Colours
by andAshes
Summary: Nothing could prepare him for this, he was getting in way over his head. But at least Axel was here, so was his brother. This walk into darkness wouldn't be done alone. What he doesn't remember can't hurt, right? AkuRoku
1. White

**White**

Inspired by a TV show talking about jeans being too low. I started writing, this is what I came up with.

The legal drinking age (Or the age to get into a nightclub) is nineteen in Canada. So that's what I'm going with. If it's different for you, don't complain about it, okay?

You see so many club fanfictions where they go in, drink a bit, all lonely / new to the scene, and then find someone and they grind themselves messy against a wall or in a corner. I wanted to take a less messy approach to this. I'm trying to make Roxas not entirely anti-social, and a little more 'let's try it' without pushing him over the top. He's gonna keep his values and possibly open himself up.

So enjoy.

I don't own Kingdom Hearts, the characters, or jeans that are that low. Also, no warnings. Nice and clean for the time being.

**NOTE:** I am updating every chapter. I know that I made a few silly errors. So I'm going through and re-writing the chapters. All chapters that have been rewritten are marked at the top with a bold chapter title.

* * *

_soft and quiet, like new snow_

The jeans were so low it _had_ to be illegal. This was his first time wearing anything like this and freshly nineteen he was heading into a club with his twin brother. He was rather envious of his brother's sense of style. He was wearing thin pants with a thin white line down the leg, making the short brunette look a lot taller. The shirt was buttoned half way, the top of them left undone. A few little bracelets on his thin wrists and a choker. How could he work his body like that? Roxas' body was exactly the same, but he couldn't pull off that same look Sora did.

The jeans felt like they were going to slide off ("That's the point!" Sora told him) and were almost uncomfortably tight. He couldn't believe that he had found these in the male section of the store. He didn't want to sit down because he was sure his pants would show off much more skin than he wanted to show off. He wished that Sora hadn't been the one to choose his outfit for tonight. The pants would probably rip by the end of the night.

The boys stood at the door, Roxas shivering with his arms around himself. Finally, they were let in, Sora at the arm of his boyfriend and long-time friend, Riku. Riku, who could pull off those tight pants and sleeveless vest flawlessly. Riku was walking sex in a pair of slim jeans. But obviously taken, and Riku was loyal to the bone. Roxas didn't know the details surounding their coupling because he hadn't been around at that time, but Riku never breathed a word and Sora wouldn't tell.

Riku and Sora dissapeared together the second they were inside, and Roxas felt slightly abandoned, and walked along the rubber floor slowly. People were passing and standing in clusters and the music was loud and heavy in his ears. If this was the club scene, he really wasn't into it.

When he found himself at the bar, the thumping bass was a little less intense. He sat down and pressed his elbows against the counter, turning around in the seat so that his back was against the bar, his ​cool skin unexposed. Swiping his fingers against the flesh curiously he found that the jeans were indeed falling down.

In the crowd, he caught a flash of silver hair, and the spiky brown, two slender bodies twisting together. Maybe he'd like this more if he wasn't still painfully single. It seemed easy enough in movies and books to find a partner, but in real life it never worked like that. Flirting never went that flawlessly, sometimes words were stumbled over and punchlines wrecked due to a crumbling train of thought. Sometimes things got too heated too soon and it was usually a bad thing when things went that fast because who knew what they'd be getting into.

He was slipping into some kind of drowsy trance. The music still thumping, Riku and Sora curled together on the dance floor, flashes of bright silver hair and the gentle mesh of bodies. He sighed under his breath, his throat was dry. He wondered if there would be something simple here, something without alcohol, like a soda. He slipped out of his seat for the sole purpose of pulling his pants up, not that it helped, and sat down again, one finger hooked in the back belt loop.

The bartender was a tall male. Broad shoulders and a curved waist with pants that fell just as low as Roxas' did, maybe lower. A long strip of pale flesh between his shirt and pants, a tattoo of a swirl of pretty flame marring the skin. Narrow arms, a 'VIII' tattooed on the inside of his thin wrist. He turned, as if sensing Roxas' eyes on him, and the male moved forwards. More tattoos on his cheeks of little upside down drops of water. Stunningly bright green eyes and flaming red hair that was tied into a pony tail at the back of his neck. A faint spark of regognition coursed through his system and Roxas wondered where he had seen him.

"Can I get a soda?" He asked gently, his voice didn't need to be too loud, the music was far away. The male nodded. Roxas pulled out his wallet, the male came back. Waving a hand in the air.

"It's on me" He offered. Setting it down on the table, moisture building on the sides of the glass. Ice clinking around as he picked it up and sipped. Muttering a thanks, his eyes trained on those tight pants. Everyone could pull those pants off, it seemed. Everyone but Roxas. "So, uh" The redhead started. "Why aren't you dancing? No one to dance with?"

He shook his head. "Not my thing" He replied. Tearing his eyes from those pretty hips to stunning green eyes. "And I don't have anyone to dance with either" He admitted. The redhead smiled.

"If I wasn't working, I'd offer a dance." He said, the blonde looked at him curiously. The redhead, though possibly familliar, was still a stranger. He had a problem with going too fast. He didn't want to rush, he liked when things moved steadily, slower. "If you're not having fun, then you should go home" The bartender started again. That voice was calm and scratchy, it reminded him of sand and sun and the cackle of flame. "And if you wanted to dance, then I get off in another two hours"

What was with this guy? Roxas didn't want to dance with him, but he also didn't want to stay here. Maybe that was the most reasonable thing he had said. He could go home, go sleep, leave Sora and Riku here.

Or go tell them he was going. He brought the glass to his lips, sucked back the rest of the carbonated drink. No alcohol, good. He drove here tonight, and unfortunately he was driving Sora and Riku home. Well, they could call when they wanted a ride, right? He set the glass down, the redhead watching him almost sadly. "I think I will go" He muttered to him. The male nodded with a vague sad expression.

Roxas slipped through the crowd, the music getting loud as he grabbed Sora's arm. He and Riku stopped dancing and the three of them moved out of the heat of the bodies. "I'm going to go" He said. "I'll give you two a ride home when you want, just call me" Sora pouted.

"You should stay, come on Roxas! Please? Oh, I know, Riku?"

The silver haired male shrugged. "Come on, Roxas" He said, and took the blonde's arm, dragging him into the dance area. "It's really easy" He said. "Just don't be afraid to touch me." That felt weird to his ears and his stomach was nervous but Roxas obeyed. Moving half-heartedly to Riku and the music, despite the fact that Riku was Sora's boyfriend.

He didn't much like dancing, but he didn't mind this, maybe because Riku's cologne was heavenly and tinged with the lightest touch of sweat. He smelt wonderful.

Roxas lost track of time, and eventually Riku had an arm around him and was leading them back to the bar. Sora was deep in conversation with the redhead, looking serious. When the two of them showed up, Sora's expression cheered up again and attached himself to Riku's side. Snuggling against his chest happily. Riku's arms around both twins. He was smiling happily. The redhead chuckling. "You got both of them?" He joked. "Lucky guy." The silvery male nodded, starting up conversation with the bartender with the low jeans.

Roxas had no idea why both Sora and Riku seemed to be enjoying talking to this guy. Why, he didn't know. He simply stood there with Riku's arm over him as the redhead poured Sora and Riku free drinks.

"Hey guys" Roxas started, "I'm gonna go home for real this time" He shifted from his spot under Riku's arm, hiking up the jeans. "Call me later and I'll come pick you two up" He added, then waved, and left. The three of them waves bye as he exited the club quickly, locating his vehicle, getting in and driving home. Dancing with Riku had been fun, and though the touching grew a little intimate, they got a little too close, there had been nothing sexual or even romantic about it. It was just two friends moving together to loud music. Riku knew Sora's body, so they moved pretty effortlessly even if Roxas didn't know what he was doing.

The first thing he did when he stepped into his shared apartment with Sora was take off his pants. Leaving them on the floor next to his shoes. It felt damn nice to finally allow his legs to breathe. And sat down on the couch and relaxed. That felt better. Much much better.

Waking up to the loud blaring of a phone while he half asleep wasn't the most pleasant thing to hear, but it was enough to get him stumbling across the carpet to the phone. Pulling it to his ear and wincing from Sora's cheerful voice, telling him to come back to the club to pick them up.

With a sigh, knowing it was what they agreed to to. He reluctantly left the apartment, wondering if Riku was coming over tonight. Wondering if he was going to be kept awake. Sora was an awful moaner when he was drunk. Hell, he was loud anyways, but he usually did his best to keep it down while sober.

At least he had got a little bit of sleep, he yawned and drove slowly to the club. Wondering if they'd be waiting outside for him or if he'd have to go in. He parked a block away and walked the rest, hands in his pockets (He had put on those tight pants again because it was the first thing he grabbed. Most of his other clothes were dirty) as he meandered towards the club.

Roxas wasn't suprised to find that Sora and Riku weren't outside. They wouldn't let him in again without paying, and reluctantly he paid the fee, again, and stormed in. Annoyed now as he tried to find that flash of silver hair. Instead, he found himself nose to chest with a tall redhead. He yelped, stepping back and craning his neck to look up at him.

His eyes narrowed, Sora and Riku had probably set this up and were probably making out in the bathroom. "Dance with me?" The redhead asked.

"I don't know your name" Roxas replied.

"It's.." There was a soft sadness in the bright green eyes for a moment. "It's Axel. What's your name?"

"... Roxas"

"There, we know each other. Do you want to dance now?"

The blonde crossed his arms over his chest, he had a feeling that 'Axel' wasn't about to give up. And gave a small nod, then the redhead was gone, and he blinked. Confused. Had he managed to drive him away? He could see the red hair from far away, and wove through the people, now heavily tinged with sweat and alcohol, towards him. Bumping into a few people with small, rushed, apologies and reaching out a hand to grip at the sleeve of Axel's clothing.

The redhead beamed, almost impossibly happy that Roxas had not only followed him but grabbed onto his clothing, he twisted his hand and took hold of the other's hand. Urging him into the dance floor. Roxas felt a lot shorter now, Axel was taller than Riku and the people seemed to have grown around him. But Axel's hand was warm and they were pushed together in the heat of the people around them. They danced for a few minutes, Roxas counted the minutes and he moved half heartedly against the other.

The pace of the dance changed after awhile, Axel shifted, holding the boy even closer to his chest. One hand fell against Roxas' hair, fingertips caressing the soft strands. He could feel the soft beat of Axel's heart, he had rest his head against his chest at some point. The blonde had no idea what he was doing, but he rest against him. Breathing in the smell of him, he didn't smell like sweat, but of cologne. Something that reminded him of Riku but a little spicier.

For a long time, they stood like that. Roxas with his head on Axel's chest, swaying slowly to music that still beat hard against his ears.

The songs were slower, their bodies didn't move very much anymore, they were just standing in an embrace that was lasting forever. Roxas pulled away from Axel at the same time as Axel let go. The green eyes were bright. "I'm sure your brother's waiting" He said softly, slipping their hands together and walking towards the seats at the other end of the bar. There, they found Sora perched in Riku's lap, tucked into a corner. Sora's lips meshed with Riku's. Roxas snickered, sliding in across from him, kicking Riku's leg. The male jumped, broke apart from Roxas' brother. His cheeks slightly pink, his hair a little messy. Sora giggled and settled in his boyfriend's lap.

"Are we going home now?" He asked. "You gonna bring Axel home too?" He teased, apparently not realizing or caring that Axel was actually there. The redhead slid in beside Roxas, a small smile on his face.

"Are you bringing me home tonight, Roxas?" He teased. Roxas huffed, sliding over him (It was a little awkward, at one point Roxas was perched across Axel's thighs) and standing straight.

"Let's go, now" He said shortly. "I'll be waiting outside."

As he left, he missed the seriousness that crossed Axel's face. The slight sadness. Sora leaned forwards and rest a chin on his palm. "He doesn't remember me" The redhead muttered. "Not a thing. This is going to be really really.. hard." He sighed softly, shuddering. "Look, can I come around sometime? I gotta make it work this time around."

Sora nodded sleepily as he climbed off of Riku, "Yeah, I gave you my address, right?"

"Yeah, I still have it." He muttered. "I'll talk to you later, all right?" He said gently. "Make sure Roxas is okay" Riku had an arm around Sora, and the two of them left. Axel sitting back down at the table, watching them leave.

Roxas drove home, Riku and Sora stumbled drunkenly into Sora's room, closing the door behind him as Roxas went to his own. Taking off the tight pants for the second time that night. Flicking on music loud enough to block out the noises that his brother was making, and lay on his bed. He kept catching the faint scent of Axel, that faint cologne on his shirt, and kept running his memories back to him.

What was with that guy? Maybe Sora had set him up so that he and Axel would dance. Was Sora actually trying to set them up? Oh hell. He frowned with disgust as he thought of it. It wasn't that Axel was unattractive (He could really work those low tight pants) but that he didn't know him. He was reluctant to get to know anyone new right now.

He pulled off his shirt, unconsciously inhaling deeply as he pulled it up and off. He had a bit of a weakness scents that brought a warm familiarity to him. He faintly heard a strangled scream as he flicked the bedroom light off, sinking back into bed and snickering into the pillow as he heard a second one, a lot higher and less restrained. The noises quieted, he turned down the music and yawned into the blanket. He was content with his life. It felt good to be nineteen and it felt good to have gone out and done something he wasn't normally into. It felt good to have danced with Riku, and just a bit better to have danced with Axel.

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What do you think? I don't normally ask for reviews, but this time I will. Just give me a shout, tell me if you want to continue it or not. kthxbye.


	2. Blue

**Blue**

Just to answer a few reviews and what not, seeing as I'm not the type to make a big list of names, then a specific comment. I was rather pleased to see that people wanted to see more. It was a very nice suprise.

I'm terrible with updating, I'm the kind of person where I have to write it right away or else I won't do it at all. Other things usually get in the way. I get distracted, I get bored, whatever. We'll see how far I can get with this one.

I know what I'm doing plot-wise. How I'm getting there, not so much. So if you have any theories, things you'd like to see, side pairings you wanna see (I'll be slipping them in as I go. One of them will come up in the next chapter). Though the main focus of this fanfiction is Roxas and his relationship with Axel, I will include this and that to spice things up. So if you'd like to see anything, then let me know, I'll see what I can do.

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_calm as glass and cool like the sea_

At sixteen, he got his drivers licence. At seventeen, he graduated from high school. At eighteen, he got a tattoo. At nineteen, nothing thrilling happened. He was still the same old boy, same messy blonde hair and the same soft blue eyes.

Maybe he was expecting a lot more. Maybe he was supposed to get drunk and black out and wake up beside some stranger. Maybe he was expecting to meet the one he wanted to live with forever. Maybe he was supposed to get a pet. But instead, he and his brother went to a bar and he met some guy he thought he knew.

Sora never had a problem with hangovers. Even if he drank a lot, he'd just be a little groggy the next morning. Though it was funny on that very rare occasion to see Sora whimper anytime someone spoke above a low mumble. Riku, however, suffered a lot more even with the slightest bit of alcohol. The smallest sip would have him moaning the next morning with a throbbing headache and the need to hide under the blanket because the light from a candle was too bright.

Riku stayed there for the whole day, not leaving the room until evening, where Roxas was cooking supper. The silver haired male smiled happily when there was food offered to him and ate gratefully.

.

Nineteen felt no different from being seventeen or eighteen. But he had booked a few days off after his birthday. He was heading back to Twilight Town to see his friends. He had left them a few years ago, though he had kept up reluctant e-mail contact with them, it was time to finally see ​them. He had booked a hotel room because if things didn't work out with his old friends he wouldn't be stranded if he stayed with one of them, even though they had invited them to stay with them.

It was easier to be safe on his own than blindly trust friends he hadn't seen in years. The day before he left Sora looked nervous. The brunette wore boxers and one of Riku's shirts and paced across the room. Roxas, from his spot on the couch, digging his spoon into his bowl of ice cream. "Sora, what the hell's your problem?" He demanded.

"It's Riku!" He said all too fast. Roxas frowned, chewing on the crunchy cereal mixed into his ice cream. "He's supposed to come over sometime soon. And he's not here!"

"Call him?" He asked. Sora glared. He picked up the phone and went into his room. Whatever was bothering Sora was beyond him. He sighed, continuing with his ice cream. He didn't know where the habit came from, but he always enjoyed ice cream a little more with that added crunch. It just wasn't the same without it.

Riku came over later. Sora was still in his room and Riku plopped down beside Roxas. Pulling his feet up to rest on the coffee table. "How long are you gonna be gone for?" He asked gently.

"A few days" He said.

"How many is that?"

"I booked a week off. I'll probably be back sooner" He shrugged. "Sora's pissy, beware" He added as Riku rose. The male simply shrugging as he edged his way into Sora's room. Closing the door behind him, leaving Roxas to look at the door for a long moment. Then turning back to the television show. Tomorrow he'd he leaving, today he was just going to sit around the house.

Roxas remembered his friends fairly well. He vaguely remembered meeting them years ago, and one moment in particular where Olette had tripped, and Pence, ever the kind-heart, helped her up with a quiet offer of his hand. Yhey had all clicked as if they had been friends for years and were just reunited when they met. Maybe that's what would happen this time, he'd go in to find them and they'd all click again, just like they did before. If he was lucky, everything would go well.

His bag was packed, his phone was charging in his room, his bus and train tickets clipped in his wallet which was beside his phone. Slipping his hands behind his head, the empty bowl on his stomach, he thought about tomorrow. He was excited, nervous, anxious. The bus ride would take him to the train station a distance out of town. Then that train took him to Twilight Town. He didn't consider that place his home, but he did consider it a place he was close to. He had never been to Destiny Islands, which was where Sora was raised.

The next day Roxas was up early. Sora was still looking irritated and Riku had spent the night and was still sleeping. Sora wandered out and Roxas sat on the counter, a cup of water in his palms. Both of them jumped when the buzzer at the door went off, and Sora jolted to it and pressed the button to let them in, his expression shifting. The brunette sank back onto the stool, yawning wildly into his palm. Roxas smiled faintly. Sora never actually answered the buzzer, he just pressed the button to open the door and went back to whatever he was doing. Maybe he was just lazy.

The brunette perked considerably when someone knocked on the door rather than just coming in. Someone new, perhaps? Roxas looked over curiously. Sora trod to the door and pulled it open. "Axel!" He stated brightly. "Hey, come in!" He was grinning and stepped back to allow tall and lanky redhead in. Why was he here? Roxas frowned slightly. He was leaving soon, he didn't want to deal with him at the moment.

"Hey guys" He said with a pleased smile. He wasn't wearing low pants this time, just loose black pants and a simple shirt. He put one hand into his pocket.

"Come sit down" Sora offered his seat next to the counter that Roxas was sitting at, Axel slid into place. His hair was messy, spiked backwards. How the hell did he manage that hair? "You caught us at a bad time" Sora started. "I'm gonna be driving Roxas to the bus station pretty soon. He's going back to Twilight Town for a little while" Roxas didn't miss the way Sora and Axel's eyes met. He frowned to himself.

Axel stood, walking over to Roxas, looking slightly bashful. "Better give you this now then" He muttered, and pulled out a small dark blue box. "Roxas, this is yours" He said, holding the box out. "Think of it as something between a birthday present, and returning something back to you" He shyly scratched the back of his head. Roxas opened the small box. The top slipping off easily, he put it on his knee.

The box was heavy, but it felt strangely empty. The first thing he saw was a small glint of silver. Inside the box was a necklace. It had fallen to the side of the box, to see it properly, he tilted it so it slid enough to be in the middle. The necklace was on a thick silver chain, the pendant was a flat silver star. Sort of, it had four points, instead of a simple angle between the points, a circle had been cut out.

He picked it up, it was heavy in his fingers and it shone in the dim light of the house. He sort of recognized it, but he wasn't entirely sure. "Um" He started slowly. "Thank you"

Axel smiled. Thin lips pulling into a happy grin. "Take care of it, Roxas" He offered quietly. "I should get going now. I've been really busy lately and I gotta get back" He patted Roxas' knee. "Have fun with your friends" He said, and patted Sora's shoulder on his way out.

Roxas was left with the lingering smell of Axel, and the heavy necklace spinning in his fingers. For a long moment, both he and Sora didn't speak. Then "How did he know I was visiting friends?"

Sora shrugged. "Maybe he just assumed? It's what I assumed when you first told me" He said quickly. Roxas, suspicious, placed the necklace back into the box and closed the lid. Stuffing it into his pocket for now as he went to retrieve his phone and wallet. Checking one last time for the tickets, and gathering up his over-the-shoulder backpack, and the relatively small suitcase.

"Sora, let's go now" He said, but peeked into Sora's room. Riku was crashed on his bed. "Riku"He called. "I'm leaving now. Make sure Sora stays out of trouble" He only grunted, rather ungracefully for someone as smooth-talking and cool as Riku. Sora was grabbing his keys and Roxas put his phone into his pocket, following his brother out into the hall and down to Sora's car.

"I'm probably going to stay at Riku's for a few nights" Sora muttered, trying to start conversation. "I kept him up all night last night" He added silkily. "That's why he's still sleeping."

Roxas only hummed a quiet response, pushing his bags into the back seat and sliding into the passengers side. Sora was planning something. He had to, why else would Axel come over like that? Why'd he give him some strange little gift that he wasn't entirely sure he wanted to know the details of.

"You have your medicine?" Sora asked, dropping his false conversation, Roxas wasn't having it. The blonde nodded. "Good. I don't want you passing out on everyone" He shifted nervously as he pulled out into the crisp sun of the morning. Roxas peering outside quietly. His heart was a little weak, something from when he was a baby, Sora had come out the bigger boy and Roxas was smaller, weaker, and fragile as a leaf where Sora could probably be dropped and he'd bounce a few times before he would land. Then he'd probably just have giggled like an idiot and squirm in hopes of doing it again.

It wasn't as bad as it was last year. Last year he needed at least two pills a day to keep him going. Now everything was working properly, and now he just needed to take two every few days.

"Sora" He started slowly. "Why did Axel come by?" He turned his head to look at the brunette. Who didn't stutter or flush or worry or fret like Roxas had expected. Or as he had hoped.

"I just thought that you'd like a new friend" His voice was soft. "I met Axel at the club, remember? He's a really nice guy, I told him to come by sometime because I like him. And even if you don't, I'd like to be his friend" Roxas frowned.

"When did I ever say that I don't want to be his friend?" He asked.

"You don't seem to like him" Sora mumbled.

"He seems okay" He said. "I don't know what he's trying to pull with a silly little necklace." Roxas was pulling it out as he said so. Hanging the chain between his fingers and holding it in the air. "Is he trying to seduce me or something?" He frowned, the necklace twirled slightly.

"Why don't you wear it?" Sora mentioned. Roxas shook his head, returned it to the box and stuffed it away. "We're nearly here, I'll help you bring your stuff over, okay?" He said, eyes roaming as he attempted to locate a parking spot. Once he found one, he pulled in and parked.

It took forever for everyone to load up, for Sora to give his goodbye, for a baby to start crying, and for Roxas to settle in his seat and flick on music. Drowning out the sounds of everyone else around him so he could just zone out. His stop wouldn't be called for awhile yet. And the train ride once he got off the bus was a long one, it didn't stop anywhere until after Twilight Town.

He closed his eyes with a soft sigh. Outside, as the bus drove, was bright green. It was the colour of life and joy and sheer brilliance. Roxas thought of Axel's cat like eyes and the necklace cupped in his hand.


	3. Red

**Red**

Man, I really like getting reviews. It's nice to know that people are enjoying this. I'm slowly trying to plan this out. And I'd still like to know if there's anything anyone would like to see, so please tell me.

I used a few TWEWY characters in here. They're not major, just instead of random made up and nameless characters, I'm going to use various characters here and there within Square Enix.

Right, so, let's get going. Tell me what you think, review, all that jazz.

* * *

_hopping mad like a playground ball_

Nothing notable happened on the ride there. The bus didn't break down. Roxas didn't find long-lost romance. The train didn't derail. He landed safely and even slept a little bit on the train. He was feeling bright and happy when he arrived at the station, and beamed once he spotted Olette's hand high in the air. "Roxas!" She called brightly, "Over here!" The girl dropped her hands to her sides, smiling cheerfully as she stood. Pence was beside her, and Hayner was pacing, almost nervously.

Beaming and happy to see them, he dropped his bags and folded Olette in his arms for a moment to say hello. It had been way too long since he had last seen her. Pence moved in for a hug, and Roxas grinned into his shoulder. Pence had grown taller. Hayner wandered over, messy hair hanging more in his face this time around. Extending his hand to shake Roxas, the blonde scoffed and pulled his old friend to his chest.

It had been a long time.

"Do you have a cell, Roxas?" Olette asked, pulling out her own cherry red phone. "I can give you my number so we can contact each other." Roxas put a hand into his pocket, rummaging about for his phone.

When he pulled the phone out, the box Axel had given him caught on his knuckle and fell with a clatter to the ground, sliding open, the silver chain on the dusty floor of the train station. He bent quickly to pick it up, grabbing the chain and both ends of the box. Olette gasped happily in front of him, and he frowned curiously.

"Oh Roxas, you still have it" She said softly. "I thought you lost it."

The blonde stared at the little star, Olette moved forwards and took it from his hands. "Don't you remember? You were really upset because you lost your ring, so the three of us pitched in and got you this. When did you have the chain attached? It looks nice"

Roxas watched the metal glint in the dull lighting of the station. Why did Axel have this? If it was his before, then his words made sense, he was returning it, but he was giving him the chain. He frowned. "You're really pale, Roxas" Light fingertips pressed against his cheek and he flinched.

"Ah, sorry." He said gently. "Spaced out for a bit. Yeah, I remember" But he didn't, not at all. That concerned him. Why would he not remember something like this? It seemed important, right?

"Will you put it on?" Olette asked, Roxas frowned. When he nodded, she unhooked the chain and put her arms around his neck to clasp it. Her hair smelt like flowers. She stepped back and placed her hands on her hips, "It looks nice."

Roxas looked down, fingertips playing with the hard edges of the star. "Thanks" He muttered. "Um, can we go?"

Pence took Olette's hand, and Roxas started walking. "Where's your hotel room?" Hayner asked. "We'll take you there."

The hotel felt comfortable. One large bed with a big window facing the setting sun. On a plaque next to the wall wrote the history of Twilight Town and how it got its name. All the windows faced this direction, and he scanned over the writing briefly, missing the slight exchange between Olette and Pence. Hayner had sat himself down on the bed and was cruising through the television programs. Twilight Town had, apparently, got its name from how long the sunset lasts.

He sat down on the bed next to Hayner, his two bads beside the bed.

"We have dinner reservations in an hour" Pence started, flopping himself down on the chair beside the bed. Dantily, Olette settled herself on his knee. "So we could just hang out here if you wanted to" He offered. Roxas nodded, everything seemed to be going well so far. No awkwardness, only a bit of confusion within himself. But he wasn't sure what he could do about it, if there was anything he could do about it.

As the four of them sat there, talking, laughing, Roxas forgot about it.

Pence and Olette went off together after dinner, they both still respectably lived with their parents. Hayner went back to the hotel with Roxas. They sat on the bed, watching TV and talking as they wasted the hours into the early morning. Both of them ended up falling asleep on the bed. Roxas on his stomach, his arms folded under a pillow he had propped himself up on. Hayner laying on his back with his head on a pillow. Roxas woke up some time early in the morning, it was dark, the TV was still on, there was a slight ache in his lower back. He simply flicked off the TV, squirming into a more comfortable position and went back to sleep.

Hayner slept too much, Roxas reasoned once awake and after microwaving himself some oatmeal for breakfast. Hayner was still asleep, snoring softly as he slept through noon. He called Olette, fingertips playing with the end of his pointed star. "Oh, he's still asleep?" She asked. "Fill a cup with water, carry it over to him. It's creepy, he'll wake right up."

So Roxas did just that, but after his shower. They were going out for ice cream and they couldn't if Hayner was asleep. He showered, changed, and in the bathroom filled up a cup of water curiously. He walked back into the rest of the hotel, shirtless and carrying the cup. When he got close to Hayner, he yawned and sat up. Blinking and rubbing his eyes. Roxas brought the cup to his lips to sip it. "She's right, it is creepy" He muttered. Moving back to the bathroom to find a shirt.

Hayner yawned loudly, pulling himself up as Roxas found a t-shirt.

Hayner washed his face, chewed on some toothpaste (Only because Roxas asked him if he wanted to brush his teeth, and he shifted awkwardly as he put it in his mouth) and borrowed a shirt and he was ready. Hayner kept talking about everything that had happened over these years Roxas had been gone for. How he kinda liked Olette but Pence had won her over without even trying, even though he had done his best to win her for himself. He had got over it, had a few flings, but no one that he was actually settled with.

Hayner mentioned something a little weird though, Hayner had asked Roxas if he was still with that redhead from before. Roxas had no idea what he was talking about, and shuffled uncomfortably as Hayner shrugged. "Guess not" He has said. Roxas tucked it away, had he known Axel?

It didn't matter, Roxas was here to have fun. And he did. He met Olette's parents, and reintroduced himself to Pence and Hayner's parents too. But there was something he needed to do. There were questions brewing slowly in his brain.

After three days, Roxas summed up the courage to head down to the hospital. As soon as he entered the room, he felt out of place but strangely familiar. The lady behind the counter looked up, her eyes behind her glasses were grey. She tapped her nails on the counter, the male moved towards her, casting a glance at her name tag pinned to her white shirt under the dress. "Ms. Konishi" He started politely. "I'm here to, uh, see someone" The girl moved to her computer.

'Who're you looking for?" She asked quickly, her nails were long as she scanned the screen.

"Mr. Haruka" Roxas replied gently. "It's been a really long time, I don't know if he's here anymore.." He broke off, she was looking at him pointedly.

"Name?"

"Roxas."

The girl nodded, and stood, gathering a clipboard. "Come with me," She said. "You'll need to fill out this form" Her voice had softened and her hips swayed as she walked. "Sit here, fill this out, someone will be with you right away" She passed the clipboard and a pen to Roxas, and left back to the front desk.

It didn't take long to fill it out, it came with standard questions. He ended up sitting there for twenty minutes, just waiting. Watching people shuffle pass. Eventually someone came over to him, a smiling young man. "Hey there." He said. "I'll be taking you over to where he's staying. I'm Makoto, just come with me" Roxas stood and followed him, nervously holding his hands in his pockets. He thought he recognized him, but brushed it off.

He had not seen this man in a long time. In fact, he could hardly remember him. As he walked through the halls, he noticed that they got thinner and thinner, he was finaly stopped in front of a door. "Here you are!" Makoto piped. "I'll wait outside the door for you. Good luck"

Roxas stood at the closed door. Just standing there, watching the white wood in front of him. He was a little too short to see into the frosted glass window. "You can go in" The male said suddenly, startling Roxas. "He's expecting you"

Nervously, he stepped forwards and touched the door. Pulling it open and just stood there, taking in a breath and stepping into the room. The heavy door closed behind him, and the man in the room was very quiet. Red bandages were wrapped around his face and those eyes glinted, Roxas stood there numbly for a long moment. He said nothing, only stood there.

"Roxas" The man greeted eventually. His voice as soft and kind as ever. "It's been a long time since I've seen you here. You've grown" The one visible eye blinked, watching Roxas. "Sit." It was then that he noticed the empty chair, and he sat as commanded. "Why are you here?" The male asked.

"I wanted to se--" He cut himself off, biting his lip. Did he really want to visit this man again? No, he still hated him. "I want to know why I don't remember this" He pulled the necklace out of his pocket, holding by the chain, the star swirling slightly. "All my friends remember and some stranger gave it to me before I came here. Why?"

The man was sitting very still. The room smelled like sugar and coffee. "You want to know why?" The male asked quietly. "That much I can't tell you. The man that gave that to you was Axel, wasn't he? I'm sure he remembers you, he did everything that was humanly possible to get you back. In the end, I don't think he won anything. After all, you don't remember him, do you?"

His ears felt warm, he almost felt insulted and he didn't know what to say. "What?" Was all that came out of his mouth. It was all he could manage to say, his breath felt tight in his chest.

"You don't need to worry about it, Roxas. It's in the past, you're getting into things you don't need to know"

Anger burst as he could finally suck in air. "No! I can't live with that! Why do you keep these things from me, I need to know! I have every right to know!"

There was a knock at the door, Roxas blinked and unclenched his fists, realized he was standing, and turned to look at the door. The necklace fell out of his hand as the door opened. "Um, Roxas, you shouldn't be yelling like that."

Roxas growled, bent to pick up the necklace. "I want my answers, old man" He hissed, grabbing the necklace from the floor. Makoto looked taken aback. "This isn't over" And left, storming down the hall in a rage. He heard someone calling him, but didn't stop until he reached the elevator. And waited outside of it, he didn't have the proper key to get into it, and as far as he knew, this place was underground. The only window in the room was near where the wall met the ceiling.

Makoto walked down the hall way, a somewhat irritated look on his face. "What's with the outburst, Mr. Haruka?" He asked, Roxas growled.

"Just get me out of here" He said.

"Shouldn't you treat your father with a little more respect?"

"That man isn't my father" He muttered, his arms were arms crossed, the elevator door opened and the two of them stepped in.


	4. Grey

**Grey**

Really short chapter, I know. Sorry. Stuff's been happening lately. At the moment I'm feeling a little sad and I'm trying to sort out how I'm going to introduce the next bit of the plot. I might know, but I'm not entirely sure. This is mostly just a filler chapter to get Roxas home. I might try something new in the next chapter, or the one after it.

So here it is, enjoy.

* * *

_gloomy and damp like a morning fog_

Roxas slept on the ride home. He sat on a bench alone, and put his head against the window and slept. In his head, he was running over everything that had happened. He never grew up with Sora. Sora lived in Destiny Islands for most of his life. He and Riku had moved away from the tiny place to come to Hollow Bastian. Sora never knew a dad, and Roxas never knew a mom. It seemed a shame now that he thought about it, he wasn't as close to his twin as he wanted to be. He wanted to be able to use his brother as a pillow if he was tired, and for Sora to rest against him and for them to be.. brothers.

They weren't that close. They fought, they sat side by side and didn't touch. They talked and joked, but it was like they were missing something. In his dream, he was alone. His father was carrying him across a black river, he was a baby, and the man held him over the bridge and the metal of the necklace glinted from a flash of lightning. Axel was there, standing tall in the water and caught Roxas as he fell. His ankles felt wet as he stood in the black sloshing river, and he woke up to a woman apologizing for dumping water on his feet.

He fell asleep again. This time he didn't dream of anything but misted white windows and a soft breeze.

Sora picked him up from the bus station, babbling on about who knew what as Roxas listened politely. The brunette was talking about how he and Riku had found this awesome new restaurant that Roxas really needed to go to. "Oh," Sora had added in casually. "Axel left his number, he wanted to talk to you about something" And kept talking.

Roxas was quiet. There was something strange and unsettling about all of this. Axel knew him?

But did Roxas really want to trust that man? He was still locked away in the hospital, he wasn't allowed to leave yet, so maybe everything he was saying wasn't true. There was the definite possibility that he was only lying. Or that his own delusions were leading him sideways.

Sora honked the horn, making Roxas jump and squeak uncharacteristically. He glared at his brother as he parked and stepped out of the vehicle. Huffing, Roxas carried his bags to the elevator. Dragging them behind him down the halls and to their shared apartment. There was an envelope on the counter with Roxas' name written in thin curvy writing. Roxas ignored it, passing by to bring himself to his room and collapsing down onto his bed. Yawning into the pillow as he settled.

From the doorway, Sora threw the envelope at the bed and Roxas grunted. "It's from Axeeeell" Sora hummed, and closed the door behind him. Roxas, reluctantly, reached for the white paper and brought it to his face. Examining it for what was probably three minutes. Then yawned into his shoulder and opened the letter.

A picture fell out, one of those tiny ones from photobooths that were set up in malls. "What?" He asked softly, picking it from his stomach where it had fallen and looked at it. Axel had his arm around him, Roxas held one of his hands. What is now a necklace hung from Roxas' black jacket. Axel was wearing leather and there weren't any tattoos on his face, his eyebrow was pierced.

It must have been at least eight minutes before he finally took his eyes away from the picture. Pulling out the little folded paper.

'_Roxas, I don't know when you're coming back from Twilight Town, so I'll just leave this. How was it? I know that you went through some shit when we were younger, but we used to be friends. I'd like if we were friends again, it's been a really long time since we last spoke. I wasn't sure that I'd see you again after you moved. But anyways, you wrote my number on the back of the picture, it hasn't changed. Give me a call sometime after eleven PM, it's when I'm usually home. - Axel_'

Folding the letter, he flipped the picture over. Indeed there was a number written on the back. He lay there for a long time, just looking at the letter. Examining their faces in the picture. Roxas noticed that he looked almost sick, there were dark lines under his tired blue eyes and the hand that was holding Axel's wrist looked so thin and pale.

When Roxas was younger, still in Twilight Town, he got really sick. The medication they gave him made him really tired or really awake. Either way, he didn't sleep very well. He didn't remember a lot during that time because he had been in the hospital. But during that time he had been cooped up in the hospital, the same one that his father was in now. The same one that his father used to manage. If he had been that sick, why would he be allowed to leave?

There couldn't be more, could there? His stay at the hospital, now that he thought of it, seemed so long. He frowned, set the picture and the letter down beside him on the little table, yawned, and sank again into sleep.

He didn't dream this time. He slept soundlessly until eight. Sora was sitting around eating left-over this and that, and offered some when Roxas roused from his bed. "This is from that place that Riku and I went to" He said. "Try it, it's really good. What did Axel want? Was your trip fun? Did you sleep well? Oh, you're wearing the necklace Axel gave you, that's so cute! What did you do while you were there? How's the gang? Are you gonna call him?"

Roxas flicked Sora's forehead to get him to shut up. Why were all of his questions about Axel? But the food was good, and he took the little container from Sora and used his fingers to eat it. "It was fun" He answered. "They all say hello, and that you should go down to visit sometime."

Sora seemed pleased, but still antsy. "So, are you gonna call him?"

"Who?" Roxas asked innocently, shoveling food into his mouth.

"Axel, stupid" He replied. Roxas only shrugged, chewing his mouthful distractedly. "So?" Roxas shrugged a second time, and Sora huffed. "I can pass as you on the phone, you know. I suggest that you call him before I have to."

Roxas kept chewing, swallowed, and glared at his brother. "I'm not gonna talk with my mouth full" He retorted. "I'm going to call him" He wasn't really, but he'd have to. Sora seemed pretty intense about this, Roxas wasn't going to get away with it. And he didn't want Sora impersonating him on the phone. Who knew what Sora would do (The boy had a surprisingly dirty mouth sometimes). Especially when he was turned on, hell, he was loud as hell if he wanted to be.

All in all, he really didn't want Sora calling Axel for him. "Call him now!" Sora piped. "Come on, do it, I'll get the phone" And his twin was up in the air and jogging to find the phone. He brought it down to Roxas' lap, and the blonde glanced at it.

"I can't"

"Yes you can"

"His letter said not to call before eleven, I think" Was it eleven, or ten? He didn't remember. Maybe he'd just safely wait until midnight. "So don't pester me" He muttered.

"You'd better not forget. And give that back, it's my dinner"

Their relationship was warm, they were good friends, they were twins by name but they didn't grow up together. Roxas thought he was completely alone his whole life. They had only been together for two years now, and for the past three years he knew he had a twin. As for Sora? He had no idea. Sora never told him his past. Though he supposed he could ask his sister, she had grown up with Sora. He had never really spoken to her, she was always more in contact with Sora. He had a feeling she didn't like him.

But did he want to know? Was there any truth in his father's words? No, there couldn't be. Roxas got a little sick for awhile and he made friends with a redhaired boy who reminded him of fire. No more. He couldn't remember him at all, but some part of him seemed to know that he had an obsession with fire. Though maybe it was just the fire-red hair and the warmth he seemed to have given off.

He stood up and went to find something to eat, cooked it, ate from the counter, and went back to bed.

Roxas woke up a few hours later to the phone tossed at his chest. He grunted, opened his eyes and looked over at Sora. "What?" He grumbled.

"Phoneee. Axel didn't believe I was you" He sang, and hopped back out of the room. Closing the door behind him as Roxas felt around for the phone.

"Hello?" He said.

"Hey" Came the soft reply. That voice sounded nice and he yawned as he sank deeper into the blankets and pillows of his bed. "Look, I can't talk for too long. I'm a little busy, but I'd like to get together with you sometime this week. Does Friday sound okay?"

"Uh, yeah. I don't think I'm doing anything"

"Great. I'll come get you around noon or one, okay? Sorry I can't talk longer, but I'll see you then?"

"Yeah. Sounds good. See you"

He stared at the phone after the call ended, it had been a pretty short call and the numbers flashed until they dissapeared. He wasn't quite awake but he wasn't quite tired anymore. He sighed to himself and closed his eyes. Axel didn't seem too bad, and if they used to be friends then it wouldn't hurt, right?


	5. Purple

**Purple**

Another chapter. I'm kinda suprised I even got to five of them.

But either way, each five chapters will have a different theme for the topic title. The first one was colours. Specifically, "Colours" by Kira Willey. So I don't own that. The next five will be a different type. I'm thinking Disney, actually. So here's another chapter. I'm going to start getting into a little more plot in the next one.

* * *

_bright and happy like a butterfly in the air_

Axel paced.

He was nervous, he was walking back and forth and trying to figure out how he wanted to dress. Two days ago Sora had called him pretending to be Roxas, but once he actually spoke to Roxas they made plans. Now here he was, his pants were low on his hips. His thighs were slender and squeezed into the slim jeans and they flared out at the bottom. There was a dragon sewed onto the calf of those pants on the outside of his left leg. He was shirtless and he didn't know what to dress himself with. Long sleeved shirts were too dressed up and vests were too sexy and t-shirts were too 'let's just be friends'.

Axel wasn't going to be happy with 'just friends'. He wanted to be more, he wanted to have more like he used to. But he didn't think that Roxas would take too well to Axel telling him that they used to be lovers.

The thing was, Axel didn't know everything that had happened to Roxas. But the best part about everything was that Roxas was here with him now. He worked two jobs and was saving like mad so he could use that money to find Roxas. A part of him envisioned himself bursting into a room and 'saving' Roxas from whatever torment he happened to be in. The last thing he ever thought was that Roxas would just walk into his life again so casually. That he'd sit down wearing those jeans that Roxas told him he'd never wear, not even if he was paid to. Sora told him he had found them for Roxas and thought he'd look good in them.

He pulled on a shirt, one that was buttoned down the front and a thin scarf around his neck. He was looking particularly gay but rather stylish. He slipped on his leather coat and his sunglasses and went down to his truck. His apartment was a shit hole, but it was the cheapest thing he could find because he only came here on a faint whisper that he'd find Roxas. As he tried to find him, he needed a place to live and this was it.

He loved Roxas with all his soul. He'd give anything for him, and coming here might have ended up being one of the stupidest things he had ever done. But once he got a low-paying job he realized he needed more. He found a second one just as he got a raise at the first one. So he worked two jobs and convinced himself he was still here to save money. And now it seemed worth it because his shit-hole apartment was cheap and he had money to look nice and well-groomed and to spend lavishly if he wanted. But he had found Roxas here and he was living with his brother and he was happy.

Axel also knew what to tell him. He didn't want to bring up his past because it was fucked up enough without him having to pry into it any further. Roxas didn't seem to remember any of it and Axel didn't want to remind him. He just wanted to fold the boy into his arms and remind him he was still here.

He sat down in the drivers seat and hoped that Roxas was waiting for him. It was strange to know that he knew everything about the boy but he knew nothing about him, and he drove down to the apartment. Luckily, Roxas was waiting outside. Last time everything had ended badly. Not this time, he unlocked the door for Roxas and he slid in. Roxas looked at good as ever, he wasn't wearing the necklace but he was wearing a black fabric hat (What were they called? Touques?) and dress pants with a simple t-shirt with his coat pulled around his shoulders.

"Cold?" He teased after their initial greeting. "It's just October, it's not that bad" He said. Roxas pouted, but he was smiling around his cute little pout. Roxas was adorable, he still was. He was so happy to have him here that he couldn't erase the grin on his lips.

"Hey Axel" Roxas started as they started driving. "When did you get the tattoos on your face?" He asked.

"It was right before I came here" He said.

"So after this picture?"

Axel smirked. "Yeah" He said. He didn't think he'd ever forget that day. Maybe one day he'd show Roxas the rest of the pictures from that day. "I got it to remind me of a few things" He said. "So I wasn't going to forget."

"How old are you?"

"Full of questions today, Roxy?" He asked. Roxas blinked in what appeared to be slight shock. Then frowned.

"I ju--"

"It's all right," Axel reached over and patted his knee. "I'm twenty three. Twenty four in like a week" He added.

Roxas nodded, quiet, and rest back into the couch. "Where are we going?" He asked after a moment of silence.

"To this place I know" Axel stated casually. "You'll like it. You used to like it when we were friends" He added to Roxas' skeptical look.

"So we were friends. Why do I not remember it?"

"You were pretty doped up on whatever shit they were feeding you. You were pretty out of it when I met you. I was actually visiting a few people I knew when we met."

"Wanna tell me about it?" Roxas asked slowly.

"'Kay." The redhead started. "But we're here, so I'll start when we're eating."

Roxas had no idea what the place was, but gravitated to the same meal he had ordered the first time they had went here. The service wasn't as good here as in the one back in Twilight Town, but it was still pretty decent and eventually they had their meal and their drinks and they sat across from each other.

"So, you still wanna know?" Roxas nodded. "All right. Well, there was a bunch of people I was kinda involved with. Not like a gang or anything, just a group of people who knew each other through everyone else. We were all involved in that hospital, the one that your dad used to run. The twelve of us were all working there, doing different things. But weird things started to happen, we started to realize that something just wasn't right. The old man wasn't quite right in the head. That night someone died, Lexaeus. Zexion followed shortly after, they had always been really close. He only made it a few days before killing himself." He frowned, pausing. "The night Lexaeus died I went for a walk, everyone was so sad, I needed to get out of there. So wandering in the halls I found you. You looked really lost and seemed really confused, like a zombie. You didn't say much at first but we found an empty room and just talked for a long time."

Roxas wasn't eating, he was sitting there listening with interest. When Axel paused he glanced down at his meal and began eating.

"Larxene disappeared, Demyx was the one who found her, he hasn't been the same since, I haven't seen him in years. I kind of invited you into our group, you met Zexion a few times before he killed himself. Everything was getting fucked up and you told me you wanted a friend, so I authorized something to let you out sometimes, and so we spent a lot of time together. With you, that made thirteen of us. Saix and Xemnas moved away, so did Xaldin. Vexen still works there and I don't know where Marluxia went. I think he took Xion and moved to some country side." He wanted to tell Roxas all of the people he had known, and where they were. "Xigbar was arrested and Luxord goes to visit him sometimes. I'm not.. in any contact with any of them anymore"

Axel paused, Roxas looked concerned. But he had wanted to know, he could see the resolution in his eyes.

"Truth is, Roxas. I always had a bit of a crush on you. And I was kinda hoping that this time around you wouldn't mind going out with me. I wasn't sure how you'd take dating because you were in the hospital."

Roxas blinked, and squirmed in his seat. He took a sip of water to distract himself. "I'm straight, Axel" He said. Axel bit back the urge to tell him that he was anything but straight.

"Can we just try it?" He asked. "I'm sure you'll like it."

"Axel" He said, looking at his plate. "No, I can't. I'm not interested in boys"

"Please?"

Roxas was looking uncomfortable. "Look, maybe it's best I go home. I'll see you la--"

"No! No, I'm sorry. It's just that one of the last things you said to me before you were checked into the hospital was that you liked me. And so I was hoping you'd remember that because I liked you too. But we can just be friends, I'm sorry" He was panicking and he couldn't let Roxas leave. "I won't mention it again, okay?" He said.

Roxas still looked uncomfortable, but stayed where he was sitting. "Axel.." He sighed to himself. "All right, I'll stay." He agreed. Axel sighed in relief. They were both quiet for a long time, just eating. Axel's stomach was churning, Roxas was supposed to agree because he was supposed to remember their passion. But Axel wasn't about to give up. Not yet. He still knew what made Roxas quake and shudder and scream. He was just as stubborn as Roxas was.

After lunch, Axel insisted that he pay and Roxas agreed after a minute of bickering. Roxas was cute when he was flustered because Axel didn't talk to him on the way to the truck. He didn't say anything as Axel slipped into the truck and started it, not opening the other door and pulled out of the parking space. Roxas was looking shocked and stunned and Axel unrolled his window. "Aren't cha' getting in?" He called.

"The door's locked, dumb ass" He called, and went to the passenger door and opened it easily, guess it wasn't locked. "Jerk" He said as he climbed in. "You unlocked it when you were driving" But he was smiling as he sat there. "What are we doing now?"

"I don't know" Axel admitted. "There aren't any good movies playing now. We could always just rent something and go back to my place if you wanted." He offered.

Roxas seemed to be uncomfortable again. "Don't worry, I'm not gonna try to seduce you." He vowed.

"What movie?"

"What are you in the mood for?"

They rented three movies. One that caught Roxas' interest, one Axel wanted for awhile now, and one that they both agreed on. Roxas seemed a little stunned that someone as well groomed as Axel lived in a small and dingy apartment complex. But said nothing and only stared when they got inside. Axel's place was small, cramped, a bit run down. It was cramped but he had everything he needed and more to get by. Numerous game systems, movies and games lining shelves and a nice sized television mounted to the wall.

Roxas plopped down on the couch with an exhale and Axel put in the movie and went into the narrow kitchen. "Want something to drink?" He called. Roxas answered with a no and Axel walked back with a bottle of soda and sat down next to Roxas. The couch was, thankfully, small. It wouldn't fit if it was any bigger. So he and Roxas were sitting comfortably close side by side.

They watched the movie, and another, wasting away the hours until evening. Roxas was leaning against the back of the couch and Axel knew it wouldn't take much to get the blonde leaning against him. And so he lightly nudged the boy and Roxas blinked himself awake, sitting up and stretching. Then sagged against the couch and Axel wrapped an arm around him. Pulling him to his chest. The blonde squirmed a bit, and settled. Watching the movie while Axel's heart raced and his insides soared because Roxas was so close to him it almost hurt.

He had no idea what was on the screen because the smell of Roxas' hair and the heat of his body and breath through the fabric of his shirt was distracting. It took everything he had not to put his hand into his hair and pull him up for a kiss. He needed to slowly win over the blonde, he couldn't rush anything yet. He was sure his chest was aching because Roxas was finally here. All at once he realized he was crying. Relief? Happiness? He was smiling and maybe he was just happy because Roxas was finally _here_ after far too long.

The movie ended, Roxas was fast asleep and Axel scooped him up in his arms. Carrying the blonde to his room and setting him down on the bed. He pulled the blanket over him and went back into the rest of the room. Spreading his long body over the length of the couch and smiled at the ceiling. Roxas was back.

Roxas jolted awake from a dream. It had been strange and he rolled onto his back from where his face was pressed into the pillow. The blanket and pillows smelled lovely and he figured that Axel had brought him to his bed. It was large and comfortable and he shrugged the blanket back over his shoulder and curled to his side. Yawning and shuffling into sleep once more. Falling back into a dream that joined with the other one. He dreamed that he was floating in hazy lines and there was a warm body close to him. When he woke up, he didn't remember the dream but he was happy. He left Axel's bedroom to wander into the rest of the house. Axel was asleep on the couch and he looked kinda funny with one leg hanging over the armrest and the other on the floor. He snickered to himself and wandered over, sitting down on the floor next to the male. His eyes scanned the room intently.

Despite Axel asking him out in the beginning, the night had gone well. He remembered laying against Axel's chest though, which he realized might be leading Axel on a bit but he hadn't really intended on doing it. It just happened and Axel was very comfortable to lean against. Familiar as if he had been there before. But if he thought about it he probably had. If he and Axel were friends then maybe that had happened before.

He was happy as he sat there, watching Axel sleep. In his stomach, he felt a low grumble of something. He wasn't sure what it was, but it felt like a hook pulling him in and a low pulsing need. He frowned as he sat there. He liked Axel. He wasn't looking for a relationship right now but would it really be so bad to get involved with him?

Roxas was sure he was straight, he never had any interest towards boys but there was just something about Axel he couldn't describe.

Axel's expression shifted, the male blinked his eyes open and yawned. Stretching and arching into the couch. Waking himself up and looking over at Roxas. "Hey there" He said. "Mornin'" he said with a groggy smile.

"Yes" Roxas stated. Quite aware that he probably looked a little weird. Sitting next to the couch that Axel was laying on and watching him sleep.

"Yes? Yes what?" He asked, frowning,

"Yes" Roxas said, standing up and walking into the narrow kitchen.

"Roxas? What the hell?" He sat up and walked into the kitchen to follow him.

"Yess" Roxas hummed pleasantly and went back to the living room.

"Okay, seriously. Stop" He grabbed Roxas' arm and swung him around. He held both of his shoulders and peered into his eyes. "What's a yes?"

Roxas only stood there for a moment, contemplating what to do. Eventually, he leaned up and kissed Axel's chin. "You asked me something, remember?" He stated, one eyebrow raised. "Let me go, I gotta pee. Where's the bathroom?" He said cheerfully, squirming out of Axel's grip and moving over to find the bathroom. Leaving Axel standing half-way out of the kitchen looking shocked and speechless.


	6. Once Upon a December

Urgh. This chapter feels really bad, I'm very sorry. I just wanted to get this out here, it's kinda a filler chapter but I needed to finish it before I can get into more plot-based stuff. I haven't bothered to re-read it to check for errors. It's almost three thirty AM right now, I don't care too much about errors.

Anyways, enjoy.

* * *

_figures dancing gracefully across my memory  
far away, long ago  
glowing dim as an ember  
things my heart used to know  
things it yearns to remember_

Roxas swore that Sora's face was going to fall apart when Roxas came home late that afternoon. Roxas didn't look ravished or anything, Axel hadn't even kissed him, but Sora seemed to know something had happened and that grin was from ear to ear and he had the nerve to look like he had 'won'.

Roxas only elbowed his brother in the gut and went towards the bathroom to shower. He never liked spending the night at someone else's house, but when it happened he went straight home to shower and brush his teeth. Axel had distracted him though, not to mention when Roxas came out of the bathroom Axel was beaming and crushed him to his chest. He had given his cheek a light little kiss and then went to make breakfast. Leaving Roxas to catch his breath then slowly follow after him.

Dating wasn't what he had in mind, but Axel seemed pretty eager and happy about it. And Roxas found he wasn't as opposed to it as he thought he'd be. If he thought about dating any other boy he was pretty unwilling, but Axel? Maybe because they used to be friends and maybe his heart remembered how it felt to be around him. He was now dating a man he had met in a club at night once, but had actually known a few years ago. It was a strange situation to say the least.

He showered, changed, and went to check when he worked.

"Hey Roxas" Sora started, hopping into his brother's room. "Guess what!"

"What?" Roxas replied boredly. He didn't work until Monday, which meant a free weekend.

"The winter carnival'll be here soon. They've just announced that they're setting up for the first of December" Sora was grinning that face-cracking smile again. "Maybe you and Axel can go together. It would be so cute" Roxas glared at him.

"What makes you think we're together?"

"I never said you were together. I just said you two could go with each other" He stated proudly. "You just gave yourself away. You're dating him? That's so awesome. You two looked so cute together when you were dancing with him" Roxas sighed slightly. "Oh come on, you wouldn't be dating him if you didn't like him. Ask him to take you. Or take him, I'm sure he'd like it a lot."

"It's not until December, though" Roxas protested, Sora shook his head.

.

It was funny how fast time went by. One blink and two weeks were gone and there was more money in his pocket and then it was all gone again towards rent and food and maybe a movie or two. Axel fit flawlessly into his life, Roxas was almost unbearably surprised with how well they fit together. Axel was just happy to be with him and Roxas was happy but he continued to grow more and more unnerved by the fact that Axel knew more than he did.

There was one problem with asking Axel what happened. He was scared. He didn't really remember much from when he was a kid. There were a few things that he could catch, a few small details, like the fact that he didn't know he was a twin and that his 'father' had been far too caught up in his work to pay too much attention to a little boy. Though he had taken him to the fair on occasion and that had always been fun. Roxas enjoyed when the man won little stuffed toys for him. The man was a scientist and he calculated each more perfectly and won nearly every time.

But he really didn't have any other memories. Anything he remembered was hazy and dim and he wasn't sure if it was real or a dream. He had never really thought too deep about his childhood and his past. He knew that he was sick and the drugs he took made him forget what had happened to him. He didn't remember Axel at all, not even a slight recollection. Only the familiarity of being close to him. Axel didn't seem the type to wait and be very patient, he seemed like the type of boy who'd squirm closer to get what he wanted. He didn't, they'd been dating for awhile now and Axel had yet to kiss his mouth.

Despite his reluctance to actually date anyone, he wanted a little more from the redhead. He wanted a little more than laying beside each other whenever he slept over. It was strange how easily Roxas could get used to spending the night at Axel's house. He found that he could spend three nights in a row over at Axel's and shower and sit around and play games until one of them had to work. Axel quit his second job, giving him more spare time, a little less money but he had more than enough saved.

Axel had a habit of staying up late and waking up too early. Roxas would lay awake with him and they'd talk and catch up and he'd sometimes wrap an arm around him and he'd sometimes brush his nose against his cheek or hold his hand and when they fell asleep at two AM he'd wake up at seven thirty or eight and Roxas would crawl out of bed because Axel was making breakfast, shirtless with his long red hair pulled back into a pony tail.

Axel was an excellent cook and whenever Roxas was by he'd cook them something to eat for dinner if they didn't go out.

And when Roxas asked Axel if he wanted to go to the winter fair he had accepted with a happy squeal (Though Axel was far too manly for squealing) and a kiss to his nose. For a second, Roxas had hoped that Axel would kiss his mouth.

Roxas spent the first snowfall with Sora. The two of them sat on their deck together watching the black sky weep flecks of frozen rain. Sora popped back inside to whip up hot chocolate with spices in it to enhance the flavour. It was hot and sweet and they leaned against each other on the patio as the snow fell. From inside, Roxas' phone went off, the ring tone let him know it was Axel calling. For a second, he shifted as if to stand up. Instead, he sank back down and continued to just sit there. He'd talk to Axel later, for now, he was bonding with his brother.

That night was one of the few times he felt like Sora's brother and not just a friend.

The fair was running for two weeks. Ferris Wheels, games, winter-themed stations. He remembered last year he and Sora went to make little Christmas ornaments. They still had them, Roxas had gone with a little star with blue and white sparkles and a smooth shiny green surface under it. Sora had made a heart with multi-colour sparkles on it. Roxas always liked to go on the Ferris Wheel, assuming he wasn't alone when he went on it. He didn't like doing things alone, he liked going with his friends. This time, however, he had a boyfriend to bring with him. Axel still hadn't kissed his mouth yet, and he figured that it would be the best time to do it now.

-

Axel looked nice in the winter snow. His red hair was in its usual spikes and little white flecks of snow kept landing in the strands. It made him look stunning with the black triangles on his cheeks and the black leather coat. Roxas was quiet as Axel came over and Roxas drove them to the park that the fair was set up in. As they walked down the hall Roxas couldn't help but let his eyes wander. Axel's pants were slim, black, along the seams on the outside of the pants were little silver holes and threaded through the holes was thin silver ribbon. Axel looked damn good in those pants and Roxas only wished he looked half as good. Somehow, he was sure that Axel enjoyed the low and slim-fitting jeans Roxas was wearing (Not as tight as the pair Sora had bade him buy, though).

Axel's scarf picked up in the wind. The skies were grey and they leaked little flecks of snow. When they walked Axel walked close to him, talking about what had happened at work and how he used to come to these things with his older brother. Roxas listened with slight interest, he was paying more attention to the light brush of Axel's gloved hand that lightly brushed across his own as they walked.

It wasn't terribly hard to figure out that Axel was letting Roxas set the pace, but he was shy about stepping further than where they were now.

Axel held his hand before too long, they sat together after buying a plate of fries for them to share. Axel had removed his gloves and they had finished the food and Roxas dropped his hand beside him, his hand had accidentally landed on Axel's and their hands wove together unquestioningly. Roxas leaned against the other male slightly.

The sun set so early now, as they walked together it was getting colder. They walked closer together, both of them holding bags of things they had bought and made.

They even ran into Riku and Sora, Sora was cuddled tight up to Riku's side and beaming like an idiot. Roxas just hoped that he didn't look as stupidly happy as Sora had.

But he was enjoying himself.

As they walked, the snow kept falling. Lit by the lights in the trees and the colours from the stalls. Roxas could swear he remembered this. Not last year when he and Sora went. But Axel, there was something about holding his hand and walking across the grass that he swore he remembered. There was the sound of the bells and they walked in silence. The memories were just out of his grasp, the thoughts were just out of sight, he could feel how he remembered it to be but it felt so far away, so distant.

He pulled Axel's arm around his shoulders as they stood in line for the ferris wheel. Deciding that once the sun had set and the lights were on would be the best time to go on it. Roxas stood under Axel's warm arm with the snow falling around them peacefully. The ground coated in a dust of winter, the sky littered with stars of snow.

Roxas had never liked the jerking of the seat as everyone was loading up. The creak of the machine and the sway of the seats above him when they were going up the back. He clung to Axel's hand without making it seem like he was nervous. But Axel's hand was soft and warm and he did his best to keep the seat from swaying. Letting go of his hand half-way to the top and instead wrapping an arm around him.

It was slow going to unload people from the bottom and re-load them, they had about a minute between each movement, Axel was drifting his fingertips through Roxas' hair. Once they were at the top, Axel nudged his boyfriend and Roxas grinned. One of his favourite parts was sitting at the very top and watching the sights from what seemed like the top of the world. In one fluid motion, Axel grabbed Roxas' chin and kissed him.

Roxas was aware of them moving again, starting to come down from the top of the world but all that mattered was the gentle touch of Axel's mouth over his. It made his toes feel numb and his heart race. They broke apart when they moved again, going down slightly. Roxas chuckled breathlessly, nervously, leaning into Axel's touch as the male wrapped both arms around him.

It didn't take long for the machine to start moving. Roxas watched the sky move through Axel's chin and arms. The grin on his lips was something he just couldn't erase no matter how hard he tried. He felt stupid but he held Axel's arms tightly as they went around and around. He felt that there was more that he didn't know. He knew that there was something that he had forgotten, something important, but for now it didn't matter. Axel's arms were wrapped around him and they were spinning in the lights and the snow of winter.

When they went back to Roxas' room he pulled Axel towards him and they lay together on the bed for a long time just talking. They spoke about nothing in particular, they just talked and before Roxas had fallen completely asleep, Axel stole one last kiss before allowing them both to fall asleep.


	7. God Help the Outcasts

I had this chapter written, but the internet didn't work, so I rewrote the chapter. Now I'm submitting it. I hope you all like it. I thought I had submitted this last week sometime. Apparently not. Either way we're getting two chapters right now.

* * *

_i ask for nothing, i can get by  
__but i know so many less lucky than i_

Aerith sat in the grass, her feathery blue skirt spread in a wide circle around her. There were leaves and stems and petals scattered across her skirt and her hair was loose and there were flowers pinned into the strands. She hummed as she knelt in the grass as the sun and the whisks of clouds rolled overhead.

"Aerith!" Came the call from the house. "Aerith! I have wonderful news" The woman was calling, dropping down to her knees beside her. Arms wrapping around her daughter. "I'm pregnant! After all my trying, I'm pregnant" Aerith squealed and clung to her mother happily, the two of them forgetting the flowers smearing her skirt and rocking and grinning to each other.

At the door, Ansem the Wise smiled, his lab-coat half open, one hand in his pocket. Watching his wife and their adopted daughter squeal like the girls they were on the grass of their quaint backyard.

Elmyra slowly stood, pulling her daughter up with her, the girl only went half-way up her thighs, she was such a pretty five year old with a slight smear of dirt across one cheek. The two of them moved towards Ansem, Elmyra rest her head against his broad shoulder, one arm wrapping around him, the other around her daughter. "Isn't it wonderful?" She asked.

"Yes" The man replied, "Yes it is" His voice was soft and gentle as he rest one hand on the woman's back.

Aerith lay against her mother's stomach. Her ear was pressed against the skin in an attempt to hear or feel her new brother or sister. She did this every night until she was too tired to stay up any longer. Any other night, she would go to bed at a decent time without being told, these nights she stayed up a little later.

Aerith yawned, sitting up and kissing her mother's cheek as a sleepy goodnight. She wandered off to bed and Elmyra sat there listening until she heard the door close to her daughter's room.

She got up to fix herself something to drink in the kitchen, then she sat down on the couch and sipped hot chocolate, watching a movie playing on television. Ansem was out late once more, he worked in Twilight Town and it was a lengthy drive to get back to Destiny Islands (Not to mention the hour-long ferry ride) so if he did come home at night, it wasn't until well past midnight. That night he walked in the front door and she hopped to her feet to meet him. Her arms wrapped around his neck, his blonde beard scratching her cheek as she leaned against him in the doorway. Destiny Islands were always so warm at night, she could stand there in his arms forever and she'd never get cold.

"You know we can't afford another child" He started gently.

"I know" Her voice was muffled. "But I want this. You know how long I've wanted to be a mommy." It was important to her, she wanted to be a mother. Her eyes were wet, and Ansem pulled her back and tenderly kissed her.

"I know."

"It would help if you found someone to work for instead of working for yourself. Or if you didn't have to pay people to work for you"

"I'm a scientist, I can't study under someone else." He stated roughly.

"But can't you ju-"

"Stop" His reply was irritated, he shook his head and pushed by her, walking into the kitchen. She closed the door with a soft sigh and followed him in. "What will you do when you have this baby?" He asked. "You can't work if you're raising a child"

"I know" She said. "But there are places I can go, if I qualify they'll give me enough for us to keep going how we're going now"

"And if you don't?"

"I don't care, Ansem, I want my baby. And I'm not getting rid of it."

The night ended in a fight.

Ansem wasn't a bad man, he was intelligent and he was good at what he did (Not that Elmyra had any idea what he actually did). He was a passionate lover and a sweet man, he just didn't appear to like kids. He had grown fond of Aerith, but who wasn't fond of Aerith? She was a lovely girl that didn't have a mean or jealous bone in her body (Though she had a devious streak in her) , she was too sweet and she loved like the summer ocean breeze that carried the salty air through their small island town.

Ever since the pregnancy test Ansem had been acting more and more sullen, they had been fighting more. She still loved him, but she was starting to fall apart under his fierce hands. But she wasn't giving up her child. She didn't care what he said.

Laying on the table, she watched the screen dimly as Ansem ran the knob over her stomach. She had no idea what the fuzzy lines meant. "This" Ansem said gently. "Is your baby" He muttered, more to himself as he tapped the screen. He kept going and inhaled slightly, sitting back in his seat. "There are two of them" He muttered.

Aerith sat up quickly before remembering she needed to be laying down. "Twins!?" She asked, shocked and happy. "Oh Ansem, really?"

"It appears that way." He sounded disappointed. "You know that one baby costs more than you can afford, right?"

"I don't care" She replied sternly. Her stomach had started to swell slightly. There was an obvious baby bump now. Her friend, Zira, who had her baby a few months ago, often took her out for coffee so they could talk. The two of them would share tips on parenting skills. Elmyra wanted to do her very best to raise her child pure and sweet like Aerith. And he knew she would make an excellent big sister.

"Elmyra" Ansem called one evening. "Come here, please" He said, the lady pulled herself up from the chair and wandered over. "I have very sad news" He said once she had arrived. "Only one of the babies isn't going to make it through the pregnancy" His voice was soft, quiet.

"What?" Her heart sank, she sat down in the chair across the table from him.

"This isn't entirely common, but it's been known to happen. One of the twins will suck the life from the other. As it stands now one of them isn't developing properly, it's a lot smaller than the other one as well"

She was quiet, looking down at the small bulge of her stomach. "I'm going to lose one of them?" She asked softly, her voice shaky.

"Yes, I'm sorry." He said. "There are a few things we can do now, it is up to you what you want to do" He shifted slightly, examining papers. "We can remove the second baby, but it might hinder the development of the first, causing the loss of both og them. We could leave them both and one of the babies will be stillborn." Her heart clenched at the words.

"I won't lose both of them" She said brokenly. "I promise that I won't. Is there any chance of the other one surviving?"

"There is a slim chance" The man said softly.

Elmyra sat on the couch, Aerith was weaving flowers into a long chain and setting it on top of Elmyra's bare stomach. Her shirt was pulled up enough to reveal her large stomach. She still had a ways to go until they were born, but the bulge was obvious, there wasn't just one in there.

Aerith had created this game, she'd gently press and prod against one side of her mother's stomach, the baby would kick on the opposite side, then she'd press the other side and it would happen all over again. Elmyra was convinced that there were two of them and they were both alive, despite what Ansem said. Both of her children would be alive and well.

Ansem was growing more and more distant. When he came home that night, Elmyra struggled to her feet, her hand on her stomach as she waddled over to the door. Ansem's lips were pulled into a tight line and he walked past her, ignoring her and heading to bed.

She followed him to their room and as he lay down, she did the same. Laying in their bed back-to-back in silence. She didn't cry, she knew that Ansem didn't want her to have her children. She didn't care, she was going to have them, they were hers, it was her body, she didn't believe in abortion. She had thought that she wasn't able to have children, it was a miracle that she'd have even one, let alone two. She wasn't going to destroy her one chance for children.

Zira was cuddling Riku in the little coffee shop. Her sharp and pointed face gazing down tenderly to the squirmy silver-haired baby in her lap. Elmyra was sitting sideways in the booth drinking chocolate with mint and vanilla in it, stirring it with a pretzel stick that she was nibbling on. There was a plate of them in front of her. "I hope they're friends" Elmya mused. "It would be adorable"

Her friend smiled, sipping her coffee and drifting her fingers through now-sleeping baby's hair.

Three days before her expected delivery date, two before she went into labour, Ansem took them to Twilight Town. Aerith enjoyed the hotel room, she had brought a few of her small plants and set them by the window in the orange glow of the town. This place was beautiful, Elmyra enjoyed it too. The two nights she lay there at night with her hands on her stomach, two defined babies moving, four little feet kicking her ribs. It was so intense, her eyes watered and she lay there for hours. She couldn't sleep.

When she went into labour she lay instead in a hospital bed. Aerith at her side constantly, singing songs with her soft little voice. The contractions hurt, her fingers nails made harsh lines in her palms from clenching them.

At two in the morning, her first baby was born. Her legs were in the air and Aerith was stroking her hair as she pushed. The first child came out crying, or more like screaming. It was taken to the side by a woman with pale blonde hair with a light blue headband. She weighed, measured, and cleaned the baby as Elmyra continued to scream.

The second child came out quiet, this time Ansem took the baby to the side. "Just as I suspected" He said aloud from the side of the room. "It's dead"

She believed him. It hurt, she squirmed to get more comfortable, her hair sticking to her forehead. "Can I see it, please" She pleaded, instead a child was put in her arms.

"It's a boy" The nurse said softly. "Congratulations" And for the moment, she was distracted by the new baby in her arms. Her fingers lightly stroking his forehead.

Ansem had left, she didn't care. There was a moving bundle of baby in her arms and it's all that mattered. Her breath was heavy and she cradled him to her chest. For a long time, her and Aerith just sat there watching the baby. The nurse came over. "Do you have a name for him yet?" She asked, smiling.

Elmyra shook her head. "I don't know yet" She said softly. "I'm still a little overwhelmed" she admitted almost breathlessly.

Ansem walked in slowly, wiping his hands. "Can I see the other one?" She asked instantly, she was too sore to sit up. "Please?"

"No, I'm sorry. I've all ready moved him."

Her eyes were wet. She wanted to see him so she could tell him that she was sorry that her body couldn't support both of them. "So I can't see him..?"

"No, I'm sorry. You can't."

Bitterness was a vile taste on her tongue, and she stroked her new son's hair. "Ansem, can you leave me alone for a little while?" She asked.

"That I can do" He said, and left. Taking the nurse with him.

Ansem stood in the office where there was a blanket on the table. On that blanket was a baby. Smaller than the other one, so he had been right. But alive, moving and looking up at him. His son, a baby that he had made with someone else. Since the original sex he had close to no desire for his wife anymore. The pregnant woman was displeasing him too much for him to love her like he once did.

But there was this baby. He was alive and well. If he was leaving Elmyra she couldn't afford to have two children. All of the ultrasounds that he had taken showed only one child, always the bigger one. Never this one, he gently touched the face. He sighed gently, he needed to get rid of this boy. But how?

Elmyra was at the hotel room, caring for her son, Ansem was at the office and Aerith was doing her best to help care for her bother too. She was confused as why there was only one child, she didn't understand how she had felt and known that there were two, despite what Ansem said.

They got back to the islands and Elmyra was exhausted, as soon as the four of them, including the baby, she flopped down on her bed. The room that had been the guest room for the longest time was now the child's room, the crib was set up and the child was put in it that evening. Aerith was giddy and watched over the baby as her mother slept.

Ansem was outside, pacing, the next night. Watching the dark nighttime sky. It was still so warm outside, he had taken off his coat because he didn't need it. He slipped his hands into his pockets as the stars in the air twinkled.

Elmyra held her child in her arms as she walked outside. She found him outside and walked to him, wrapping one arm around his. "It's nice out tonight" She said dreamily. "Do you agree?" she asked.

"Yes." He said. "It is" His voice was bland, he didn't seem to care much.

"Is there something wrong?" She asked, looking over at him curiously.

"Yes"

"What is it?"

"I'm going back to Twilight Town."

"Oh" She said, disappointed. "When will you be back?"

"I won't"

Her eyes felt wet, she stepped back from him. "You're leaving. Just like that. Leaving me with our son without any word"

"He's your son" His voice was stern.

"He's your son too" She countered, "I don't want him to grow up without a father. He needs you." She couldn't imagine how she'd feel if she learned that she actually had a twin that had died, she couldn't imagine growing up without a father.

"He'll never be my son" He spat. "Him or the other one."

"What do you mean?" Concern slowly slipped into her veins.

"What I did, I did to help you out. You couldn't afford to raise three children. Two is one too many."

"What did you do?" Her voice shook, she was quiet.

"He needed to be removed from the equation"

"He was alive?" A breathless whisper, she took a step back.

"Not anymore"

The baby on her chest started crying, sensing her distress. She cradled him as she sank to the ground. On her knees in the sandy grass of their backyard.

"You're disgusting" She whispered as she tried to calm her son. "You're vile, you're a sick man"

"I only did what I thought was best. He was sick, he would have a difficult life. You wouldn't be able to afford medication for him"

"You have no right to do that" She whispered. "You had no fucking right to do that. How dare you destroy one of my children" Tears trickled down her cheeks, pressing her lips to the head of the sobbing child.

"It was for the best, Elmyra" He said softly, walking towards her and casting a hand against her hair. "I did what I had to do"

"You won't get away with it" Elmyra replied. "I'll make sure you're put away for a long time" Her body shuddered.

"You have no proof" He whispered. "All of the documents read of only one, not two"

Her mouth fell open. "You've been planning this" She whispered. "You were going to do this from the beginning" She was crying hard now, "You knew that he was alive. I knew too, I knew that there was something up, I should have known."

He left her there, Aerith had been watching from the window and went outside slowly, wrapping her arms around her mother as they both cried. Ansem was gone, disappearing into the night.

Ansem stood in Twilight Town. Above him, lighting surged and thunder banged. There was a child wrapped in a blanket, his heart was thin, he was an undeveloped baby who would die tonight. His scarf billowed out behind him in the wind as he walked to the end of the road. The station was empty tonight, outside there was no one and he stood at the railing. The drop below led to rocks and water. The ocean river would sweep the child out to sea. The bundle of blankets squirmed as he extended his arm past the railing.

"Wait!" Came a call through the dark rain. He pulled the baby to his chest, the young nurse was jogging towards him, her clothing wet from the rain. "No, you shouldn't do this" She said quickly. "Let me keep him, I'll watch him" In her arms was a girl only a few months old. "I'll raise him as her brother." She added.

He glanced at the child in his arms. He was awake and quiet, looking up at him. "This baby.." He said. "I suppose.. that I could use him." He stroked the wet forehead of the boy in his arms, his lab coat swayed in the wind. "No one but us knows he's alive. With my reputation no one would think about putting me away."

The female was quiet.

"Give me rights to your daughter" He said suddenly, looking over at her.

She gasped. "I can't do that" She said. "No, not ever. Not her"

"That's not what I meant. I want her to work for me. When she's old enough, I want her to belong to me completely. Agree to this, and she will never be alone. She'll never be abandoned by a man like you were, she'll always have him"

The woman looked down at her own child. Allowing this man to have power over her daughter in exchange for happiness with a man that would treat her well, the boy in Ansem's arms now.

"All right" She said softly.

"Raise them both as your own. When he is old enough I will come for him." He set the baby in her arms, she arranged her grasp to hold him.

"What's his name?" She asked as he walked away.

"His brother's name is Sora." He said. "He doesn't need his own name" He thought for a moment. "Roxas." He said finally, turning his head and walking away.

In the wind, Cindi held both children. The wind blew her clothing and her hair around her, her skin soaked. "I will" She said to no one. "I'll raise them, I'll do what you've asked of me" Her eyes dropped to the children, she pulled the long coat she wore over them to keep them warm.


	8. Nobody Else but You

Got a little ahead of myself here, the next chapter is in progress. What do you think? Be kind, I'd prefer what you want to see next over critique at the moment. I'm not entirely sure where to go next. 

* * *

_it's just our luck  
__we're stuck together_

Axel left early in the morning, he had to work and he pulled Roxas towards him and kissed him in the doorway. Kissing him full on the lips. They stood there for a few seconds, Roxas' hands clinging to Axel's arms as they kissed, standing together as Roxas' knees felt weak.

They parted, Axel gave a heartwarming smirk and landed a last little peck, then left. Roxas sagged against the doorway and watched Axel walk away. Taking in the way he moved, the shape of him, the way he stopped right before he left his line of vision and waved with a little grin.

When Axel was gone, Roxas trotted back inside and closed the door. Grinning to himself as he almost ran into Sora. "Oh" He said. "Hey there. Good morning."

Sora smirked, "Did you get some last night?" He teased, Roxas punched his arm lightly.

"Ah, no" Roxas protested, cheeks warm. "I just had a good time, that's all."

Sora only grinned. "Whatever you say, Roxy" He teased, "But hey, when you get down to it, use your fingernails on his neck. I bet he'll love that" Roxas' cheeks were still warm as Sora disappeared into his room, though he ended up squawking. Probably an attack of some sort by Riku. Amused, Roxas went to have some breakfast. Cereal with milk and a few of the strawberries Sora insisted that they buy even though they were way too expensive this time of year.

He went back to his room after eating, laying down on his bed and breathing in the smell of his blankets and pillow. They smelled distinctly of Axel, and he remembered that smell. He knew he did, he had to. It was such a familiar smell, it reminded him of peace and happiness. It reminded him that everything was wonderful. That he wasn't alone.

Roxas knew he wasn't alone anymore. It was nice not to be so alone. Now he was with friends, his brother, his boyfriend. His life was falling into place and he was happy.

Riku was gone by the time Roxas emerged from his room. Sora was walking around wearing just a towel and singing loudly to the radio in the background. Roxas stood in the doorway to his room, smirking and waiting for Sora to notice he was there. When Sora finally stopped spinning and saw him, he didn't blush or shy away, he only rushed over to him and grabbed his arms and they started spinning.

Sora was singing to the new song that was playing, it was a song that Roxas knew too. They were spinning around together and dancing and singing in their socks. They twirled and Roxas felt light and happy as the two of them twirled through the room.

By the time they stopped Sora flopped down on the couch, breathless and giggling to himself as he lay there, his arms wrapped tight around his brother. "What's got you so happy?" Roxas asked softly, voice muffled by Sora's arm.

"Just Riku" He said cheerfully. "You know how him and Cloud worked together on rebuilding the city? Well, Cloud's offered Riku an amazing job and an amazing deal. He's moving into a much bigger place, it's going to be so amazing" Sora sighed happily.

"More places to bone him on?" Roxas joked, Sora spluttered and flushed a dark red.

"Oh wait" Roxas continued. "More places for him to bone you on. We all know you're a total pillow-biter"

Sora pushed Roxas off onto the floor and knelt on his chest. "Yeah? I bet you'd be in the same position with Axel."

Roxas, not one to be overcome by Sora's teasing, only shrugged as well as he could with Sora putting weight on his chest. "Ah, I'd totally be on top of Axel, he'd let me. He's kind of a pushover once you get him good and happy" He didn't know where this was coming from, he didn't know why he was saying it. He had no idea how Axel would react in bed (not that he was thinking about it quite yet, or that he was thinking about it) but he was still saying this. Ah well, the look on Sora's face was a rather amusing one of shock and embarrassment.

"I don't want to hear about your sex life!" He protested, covering his ears with his hands and sitting on the floor beside his twin.

"I hear yours all the time" Roxas teased as he sat up, nudging Sora with one leg. Sora only yowled in a playful anger and kicked Roxas.

"So have you fucked him yet?" Sora asked once he had finished laughing.

"No I haven't" Roxas replied gently, still smiling with amusement. "He doesn't seem to want to get any closer to me, actually" Seriousness took over and he frowned into his palm, one elbow on his knee.

"Really? I was sure that the two of you had done at least a bit of touching." Sora answered, leaning against the front of the couch from the floor.

"I don't know if he even wants to. I mean, it took this long for him to actually kiss me" Though he couldn't have picked a more romantic and cheesy time for their first kiss. Axel had this planned well, if he had been planning it.

"Really?"

"Hey, it's not that shocking. People take a long time to get close sometimes. I haven't known him all my life like you've known Riku" Roxas pointed out.

"But I thought-- oh" The brunette frowned.

"What?"

"I just thought that the two of you were friends"

"I don't remember any of it"

"Nothing at all?"

"No, not really. Though Axel does seem really familiar to me, so I think that I knew him and some part of me recognizes him."

"That's cute" He said. "I remember the first day I met you. You were leaning on Axel and you looked really tired. He had his arm around you and everything. You two were so cute together, Axel was really protective over you. When you got up to see me he caught you because you almost fell" The other male smiled, his knees pulled up to his chest. "Axel's a really nice guy. I'm glad you're dating him"

"Hey, did you set us up that night at the bar?"

Sora grinned. "When I saw you talking to him I just couldn't pass it up, you two used to be so close"

"What happened..?" Roxas asked quietly, nervous and worried suddenly. Did he want to know?

"You got sick" Sora replied. "Really really sick. Ansem brought you back to the hospital and Axel wasn't allowed to see you."

Roxas said nothing. Sora turned to look at him, concern filling his face as he stood and slid onto the couch next to Roxas, taking a hold of his hand. "You don't remember, don't you?" He said softly. "I'm sorry, should I stop talking?"

Roxas shook his head quickly, squeezing his brother's hand. "No, I want to know." He said. "Even if I'm worried, I want to know what happened. I want to hear about Axel"

Sora nodded, returning the squeeze and trying to figure out where to start. "My mom told me that I had a twin brother a few years back. Something happened with Riku, it's his business so I'm not gonna say much more, but I had to follow him so I left town. It was a stupid idea but I met some pretty cool people on the way. Riku was the one who told me that he had found you. Mom told me that you had died at birth, so I didn't believe it."

Roxas was leaning against Sora's shoulder, quietly listening to his voice.

"I had met Axel before I went to see you. That guy's crazy, spent most of his time babbling like an idiot. But when I saw him with you he looked so happy. Like nothing could ever make him sad ever again. When you got sick he tried really really hard to see you. He was thrown out of the hospital on multiple occasions by the police because he kept sneaking in." Roxas' stomach squirmed. "I'm not sure what happened, really. It was covered up really well, but next thing I knew you were gone and Ansem was checked into the hospital. When I got home they told me that you had been moved to Hollow Bastian, they needed family to take care of you, so I came here. I never saw Axel, last I knew he'd been carted away with a bruised eye and a few broken fingers."

There was silence.

"It was awhile ago" Sora said softly.

"I don't remember anything" He whispers. "Nothing. Only a few small things, only tiny little things. I don't remember Axel, I don't remember you, I don't remember anything" When Sora pulled his arms around him the sobs broke through his body.

Sora couldn't imagine never remembering his past. He couldn't even think about how empty he would feel if his past was blackness. If he couldn't remember anything. He stroked his brother's hair, they rocked back and forth.

"I'm going to ask Axel about it" Roxas said softly once his shoulders stopped shivering. "He'll tell me, I know he will"

Axel greeted him with a press of his nose against his forehead, a warm set of arms wrapping around him and a firm chest against his own. Roxas grinned into the embrace, leaning against him as they stood at the bus stop, the bus thumbling away. They just stood there, Roxas tried to come up with any kind of memories of Axel, but he found nothing. As hard as he tried, as much as he was leaning against Axel, as long as they stood there, there were no memories.

Eventually they sat down, Roxas curled against Axel's side, one of his long arms wrapped around him. "Hey Axel" Roxas started, eyes closed with his nose buried in Axel's scarf and neck. "Could you.. tell me how we met?"

"I've all ready told you that" Axel replied, his nose in Roxas' hair.

"No, I meant more. Like, when I got sick, what did I get sick with? Why was I sick? Why don't I remember anything?"

Axel was quiet, he had brought up a hand to stroke the blonde hair.

"I don't want to know now" He said softly. "Not here anyways"

"Roxas.." Axel was leaning in to kiss his forehead. "I don't think I should tell you"

"Why?"

"It's.. It was a rotten time. Everyone was jaded and they'd do anything to get what they wanted. No one cared what the price would be, everyone I knew died, I thought I'd lost you, I don't even know the whole story, I don't want to tell you. I shouldn't tell you, I could lose you again. I don't want to lose you"

Roxas said nothing, only breathing in Axel's smell, concentrating on him, Axel wasn't the answer, Axel wouldn't tell him.

"Roxas?" Came a soft call. The blonde lifted his head, looking over at the girl quietly. White skirt and a long white coat. Pale eyes, pale hair, soft voice. "I don't know if you remember me, but I'm --"

"Namine" Roxas interrupted. Then sat back slightly, confused. "Why do I remember that?" He asked to himself. He felt Axel grow stiff beside him, he was sitting impossibly still.

The girl smiled, clapped her black-gloved hands together happily. "That's great, Roxas. You remember me. Do you remember anything else?"

The blonde shook his head, letting one of his hands fall to Axel's knee, a silent request to know what was wrong with him.

"We used to be lovers, don't you remember?"

The appearance of Namine was shocking, the instant Roxas said her name a part of him cracked and he froze. Roxas' hand was cold when he placed it on his leg. He only watched Namine. Her eyes always softened when she lied, they softened when she mentioned that they were lovers.

Axel knew full well that Namine in no way belonged to Roxas. He was watching her firmly. "Roxas, we were engaged." She admitted, delicately pulling off the glove and extending her hand. "You gave me this ring, do you remember?"

He felt Roxas shift away from him, he wanted to wrap him closer, he wanted to catch him before he walked away. But Roxas had stood, he had taken her hand and Axel sat there. Roxas examined the ring and Axel felt cold, he stood with his hands in his pockets. "I should let you two catch up." He said softly. Better to run now, give himself time to sort out his own emotions before he did something he'd regret later.

"But our plans..?"

"Don't worry about them," He said softly. "I'll see you later, Roxas." He waved, walking away slowly. He didn't even hear Roxas say good-bye. He just kept walking, even though he had taken the bus to meet Roxas, he was going to walk home. He wanted to, his head was bent and his hands clenched in his pockets.

The walk home was long, the winter was turning into slush at his feet. His ankles were wet, the pants soaked with water. Once home, he simply tossed his scarf to the side and sat down in front of his small tree. Plugged the lights in and just watched the lights glisten in the dark of his living room. Why was Namine here? What was she doing back? She was supposed to have gone off with her mother back to her town, not stay here. She wasn't supposed to be here, she was never Roxas' fiancé. She was never in the picture, she was just a pale little girl who was Roxas' friend.

Maybe he had made a mistake. Roxas didn't remember him, but he had been able to bring up Namine's name. He remembered Namine.

Though maybe all wasn't lost. He didn't think he could give up hope just yet. Maybe Roxas would stay with Axel, maybe Roxas would trust what they had accomplished. Maybe Roxas would stay faithful.

The next time he saw Roxas, the look on his face nearly broke him then and there. He had his hands in his pockets, there was no tenderness, there was no touching, they stood in front of each other silently. Axel knew what was coming, Axel knew what Roxas was going to say. He hardly heard what the blonde even said, he just stood there, watching Roxas' pretty blue eyes. Watching Roxas turn and walk away. Watching the ice from the water crunch under his feet. Watching his love leave him for someone else.

It started to snow after a little while, he just stood there, the snow gathered on his hair and coat. Night fell, the snow powdered over Roxas' footprints. The second Namine was back, he knew that things wouldn't end well. Losing Roxas hadn't been his plan, losing Roxas had been his worst fear. After so long, so many nights, bruises, fights, arguments, broken bones, waiting to find him again, he had lost him again.

Axel didn't know where Roxas had gone, after a long time he pulled out his phone, his bones felt stiff. He dialed Sora's number, holding the phone to his ear. "Sora, hey" He started quietly. "It's me, Axel. Do you have any way of getting a hold of Namine? I need to talk to her"

Namine was 'too busy' to talk to him for a very long time. Roxas didn't try to contact him and he really didn't have the strength to call him. He didn't want to hear him say that he all ready had plans with Namine. So when he met up with Namine, he had enough time to think, to find out what he wanted. Namine was looking smug as she sat down, carefully removing her gloves and setting them at the table. The ring glistened on her finger and he knew he'd never seen it before.

"You're a sneaky little liar" He said once she had taken off her coat. "Lying to him like that"

"I never lied" She stated comfortably, her eyes flicking over the menu. "I just said that we used to be connected somehow, and he believed it. What did you tell him, that you were friends?" She sneered "He remembered my name, and judging by the look on your face he hadn't remembered yours. Maybe he never really liked you"

The redhead chuckled. "Nah," He said. "You're just a sneaky little witch. I know how he felt about me. You're not going to try to change my mind"

"Really now? Have you fucked him yet?"

With a slight frown, he admitted "No."

The woman smirked. "Really? He slept with me without any hesitation"

His eyes widened. "You're lying" He said, his voice quiet.

"He has a small thirteen on the inside of his thigh, you think I'd know that if I hadn't?"

Axel sat back in his seat, he didn't even know that. But was she lying? No, she couldn't. Roxas had told him that he wanted to get that, he just hadn't done it last he knew. The waitress came by, a book in her hands. "What can I get for you two?" She asked, Namine promptly gave her order, Axel stared at the menu for a few seconds, before picking something he didn't want, something expensive.

The waitress left, Axel just sat there.

"Just move on Axel" She coaxed. "Go back home, Roxas doesn't remember you, Roxas doesn't need to remember what happened. You know as well as I that if he remembers it could destroy him. It's best you leave now, before you do something stupid."

Their food was coming, the waitress set it down in front of them and Axel offered her a warm smile in thanks.

"Fine" He said once she had gone, looking to Namine carefully. "I will" With that, he grabbed his coat and left the building. Crossing the street once he was outside to the corner store, buying a pack of cigarettes and a few small lighters. On the walk home, he smoked. Something he hadn't done in a long time, a habit he had dropped years ago. Leaving Namine with the bill was rather immature, but at the moment he didn't care.

When he got home, he tasted like smoke and he set the half-empty box on the counter, taking off his coat and shirt and gloves, the scarf was on the floor next to the door and with a yell he slammed his fist into the wall.

He stood there breathing, there was only four more days until Christmas. He bent down to his tree and picked up the small gift. Wrapped in shiny silver paper and tied with a white ribbon. He had bought this for Roxas a long time ago. A part of him wanted to leave it at the hospital in hopes of Roxas getting it. But that only worked in movies, he didn't trust it would get to him, so he kept it. He still had it and he had been planning on giving it to Roxas as a gift. Of maybe confessing that they were more than friends.

Namine was only a small smear in his plans.

When he called Roxas, no one answered. He left a quiet message, asking Roxas to call him back or come over soon.

The next hour, he spent sitting on the couch just watching the blank screen. Waiting for Roxas to call, praying he would call. He wasn't expecting the buzzer to go off and for Roxas to walk down the hall. Once there, Roxas launched himself into Axel's arms. Hiding his face into Axel's chest. He hadn't bothered to put a shirt back on and Roxas just clung to him.

"I don't care if I was dating Namine" He said. "I want to be with you"

Every bad thought in his head seemed to lighten and warm at Roxas' words. He hugged him tighter and inhaled the smell of his hair. "I love you" He muttered. He felt Roxas grin against his chest.

"I know"

"Sora told you?"

"Yeah."

They stood there for a long time, Axel was relieved, happy. Roxas had come back to him. Roxas was here.

"I'm going to tell Namine tomorrow" He said. "I feel bad for leaving her" He admitted.

"She's lying" He said quickly. "She was never your girlfriend. You two didn't know each other very well"

"I thought so" Axel nodded. They hadn't parted yet, the door was still open. "I really like being with you, Axel" Roxas said. "I know you don't want to, but could you tell me what you know about me? I have no idea how I used to be."

"Not today" The redhead replied. "Maybe tomorrow, maybe after Christmas"

Roxas nodded, leaned back and pulled Axel's face down for a kiss. They stood kissing in the door way until Roxas stepped away. "I'll be back soon" He promised.

"Wait, there's something I want to give you first." He turned and went into his room, opening a small envelope on the desk and pulling out three small pictures from the booth that day. He held them out for Roxas, the blonde took them and placed them in his pocket.

Once Roxas had left, after a few more minutes of stalling in the doorway, he lay on the couch. One hand on his chest to still the rapid beating of his heart.


	9. Be Prepared

I'm really unsure about this chapter, that's why it took so long for me to post it. But, here it is. Hope you enjoy.

* * *

_ So prepare for the coup of the century  
Be prepared for the murkiest scam_

It had been used as a bookmark lately. He had almost forgotten about the picture, it was slightly battered when he received it. Now there were a few more creases in it, the numbers on the back were fading as if all those years it had been locked inside a frame. Maybe it had been, knowing Axel. He pulled it out and set it down on the table, watching the middle arch up slightly on the surface. The three other pictures were set beside it. They were neat, they were only slightly worn, they were old. One of them had Axel's arms around his own neck. The redhead's eyes closed, his nose in Roxas' hair, Roxas' eyes closed, his expression quiet and sombre.

The last one had Axel's mouth over his. The kiss looked soft, tender, like nothing mattered but how it felt to be so close. The third one was a little more questionable, Axel's mouth was against his ear and his expression was joyful. Roxas was slightly flushed and he wished he knew what else had been happening.

He wished he remembered. He wished he knew what he had forgotten, all those years he didn't remember. Everything was so foggy, he remembered Namine but he didn't remember Axel.

Christmas came and went, he was sitting around watching the sky. His knees pulled to his chest, his arms around his legs. His blue eyes pale, the breeze on the balcony lifted his hair and chilled his shirt. The world seemed so dark and threatening, he didn't know what to think, he didn't know what to do. He didn't know who he wanted to trust and he didn't know what they wanted of him. He wanted to know what his father had done, he wanted to know what he and Axel had done. He wanted to be what he was to the redhead before all this happened.

It was a great and terrible longing in his chest, a pain that pulled at him, he wanted to know despite his fear, he wanted to know.

He had done a lot of thinking. At the end of the night he still wanted to be with Roxas and in the morning he knew he needed to do something about it.

He was walking through the streets, the crowds of people passed him, his hands were at his sides. He didn't wear a scarf because he liked how harsh the wind felt against his flesh. His chin was cold and his nose felt even colder. As he walked he scanned the faces of the people passing him. Eyes focused in one someone, someone he thought he knew, he kept going, as they passed he stopped walking. He slowed to a stop and just stood there, stunned. Someone bumped into him as they passed, he turned and took off.

Finding the shoulder of the one who had passed by he swung him around the corner, into an alley, holding him with one hand to the wall. His eyes looking through the shadow in the alley at the worn and thin face of someone he had known.

"Hello Axel" The male's voice was calm. "It's nice to see you again. It's been a long time, hasn't it?"

"You're supposed to be dead" Axel growled, throat tight, hands shaking, tongue thick in his mouth.

"Follow me"

Axel let go of him and followed. Walking behind him through the alleys and the wet ground. When they arrived at some back door Zexion kicked at the bottom of it, probably to loosen the warped wood, then used a small key to open the door. Heading inside, leading Axel down two flights of stairs to a cracked door with a six on it with cheap and rusted metal.

Inside the apartment, the air was fresh. There were plants lining the shelves on the walls, everything was clean, a few sticks of incense sticking out of a pot of dirt, ash, and matchsticks. All burnt out by now. The coffee table was scratched, the couch was the same one that he had seen far too many couples curled up on years before.

"You remember what it was like back then, correct?" The male asked softly, lowering the hood from his face. The dull light from the single bulb lighting the shadows under his cheeks and the lines around his eyes. "Do not look so surprised. You know what they did in there. You know that anything could have happened"

"They said you killed yourself" Axel whispered, standing in the door way. He felt frozen.

"They said a lot of things"

"I saw your body"

"Have you ever read Romeo and Juliet, Axel?"

".. yes" He was hesitant to say anything.

"What did Juliet use to feign her death?"

"..."

"These things are real, you know as well as I the things they are capable of"

"That doesn't explain how you're still alive. Why are you here?" He asked.

"Maybe you would know a little more if you had paid a little more attention" He offered. "Maybe if you had stayed that night you would not be so shocked right now."

The male sat down on the couch, he seemed feather light against the fabric. "What have you done to yourself?" Axel asked, he moved forwards into the cold apartment. Kneeling on the floor after closing the door and flicking the lock closed out of habit.

"I am emotionless" He said. "I was a part of Ansem's original study group, as you knew. We were his guinea pigs. Do you remember our nicknames? We were called Nobodies because we had given our lives to his organization. You were never a part of his original testing. You do not know the things he did to us in the line of science. At that time I had no idea what he was doing. I was young, so was everyone else when he took them in. He wanted to map the brain. He wanted to know how the heart and the brain were connected. If there was a connection. We wanted to explore, we were students who wanted to learn."

Axel was resting his palm against his forehead. "So Roxas...?"

"Legally, he could not do anything to us that we would not consent to. Roxas, however--"

"He was different"

"Correct"

"How are you still alive?"

"It was a rotten time, Axel. Everyone was tainted and no one looked out for anyone but themselves. You knew this when you stepped into that hospital. You could smell the corruption. You could taste the deceit. It was a prison."

Axel was quiet, so was Zexion.

"Lexaeus meant everything to me" He whispered. "I knew him before I had ever heard of Ansem. I knew him for years, he was the one who introduced me to Ansem. He was the reason I became a Nobody like him. When he died I wanted to talk to you, I knew that you would know what to say because you always did. But you left to see Roxas. We were never supposed to talk to him, you know. That's why Ansem got so mad. You are the reason he is locked up now."

"How can you be so calm?"

"I do not feel anything anymore" Came the gentle reply. The hair that hung in deep violet eyes was faded, almost grey, his eyes had a deadened emotionless look to them. "It was one of his experiments. He wanted to know if he could rob a human being of human emotions. I remember laying on the table with tears pouring down my face, responding to each new place they explored. I remember feeling a swell of sadness so great I wished I could just die. Then this overpowering wave of joy."

The male was quiet, thin lips parted slightly. "Then nothing. No sadness, no emptiness, no joy. I can not begin to describe it. You will never know how strange it is to be truly empty."

His head dropped down, he looked at his thin wrists coming out from the end of his hood. "I vowed myself to science after that. No emotions to bring me down, by them good or bad. It wasn't until Ansem lost what little grip on sanity he had that I washed up here, continuing my research." Zexion's eyes misted, he looked at Axel, and said softly: "I know that if he were still alive he would enjoy this room. It was exactly what he liked."

"Zexion.."

"You should go, Axel. I am sure that Roxas is waiting for you to call him."

"I don't know what to say" Came the soft reply, "I missed him too. It wasn't just you. I didn't mean to abandon you"

"You did."

There was a ringing in his pocket, he frowned. Slowly pulling out his phone and glancing at the name. "Roxas, right?" The male asked. "Just take it, Axel. Leave. Do not come back here. Do not come back until you can tell me with a straight face that you did not ignore us for him"

The phone stopped ringing, Axel still knelt there, looking at the phone in his palm.

"Maybe I would go as far as to say you betrayed us. All of us, for him. Was he that important to you? Was a few short days of tenderness with that child more important than years of friendship with any of us? What do you have left, Axel? You left everyone behind to follow him here, you were the strongest, you stayed out of corruption, you were the wild card, no one knew what you were going to do. Had you stayed, things would have been very different. What now, Axel? What do you have left?"

Axel continued to stare at the phone, the small screen had dimmed, 'one missed call', it said.

The redhead stood, his heart heavy with information. "You're alone too" He muttered.

"Everyone thinks I am dead"

"Maybe you'd be better off that way"

Axel turned, left the room. The clean smell of the air felt nice against his lungs as he left, closing the door behind him. His eyes closed, he sagged against the closed door. It smelled of damp wood and dirt out here. He swallowed thickly, the phone started to ring again and he reluctantly brought the phone to his ear. "Hey" He said quietly as he found the stairs. "Sorry for not answering earlier, I was in the library." He muttered as he walked.

As soon as he was outside, he felt a lot better. The air was fresh, it smelled of rain. The ground was wet and he walked with purpose down the windy cement. "It's a little loud. How about I just come over?" He offered. "I'm in the area anyways." The library was a little farther away than this, but it would do. He'd take his time. "I'll see you soon, okay?"

He pocketed the phone after a soft good-bye and turned to the nearest street he knew, wandering through a thin alley before coming out on a street. Roxas lived a little further away than he had originally thought, and he began the walk in the direction of his place.

Roxas knew Axel would have answers. He knew that Namine would have them too. What he didn't know was who was right or why Axel hadn't told him they were dating in the beginning. But in the beginning, would Roxas have responded well to him?

He held his phone in his palm, watching the minutes pass. He was waiting for Axel to get here so he could ask him. Sora was at Riku's, leaving Roxas alone in the apartment. But it was better that way, he wanted to have that time alone with him so he could figure this out.

The sound of the door shocked him, and ignoring the device to let him in he jolted down the hall to the front door, opening it for a very pale and very quiet looking Axel. Roxas' enthusiasm died, he stepped back to let him in. "What's wrong?" Roxas asked lightly, taking the redhead's cold hand and beginning to pull him along to his room.

"Feel like I've seen a ghost" Axel muttered. "I think I have. I don't want to talk about it" His answer was quiet, he seemed unhappy.

Roxas didn't know what to say, and led the male into his apartment, closing the door and giving the lock a casual flick to keep anyone else out. He reached up to place his hands on the other's shoulders. "Sit down, want anything to drink?" He asked, watching the male kick his shoes off and shrug out of his coat.

"Just water, maybe" He muttered as Roxas led the male to the couch before heading back to the kitchen and filling a cup with water.

Axel sipped it, Roxas sat down beside him, they sat in silence for a few minutes.

Eventually, Roxas pressed his face against Axel's shoulder, his cheek resting against his warm clothing. "I'm sorry I went with her" He said softly. "I should have thought a little more about it. I really care about you, all I remember about Namine is her name" Axel's arm wrapped around his shoulders, Roxas draped one over Axel's chest. "That's not enough of a reason. I'm sorry. I don't know what actually happened, but I have to believe what I feel now, and not what someone else tells me." He sat up, Axel's hand rest against the small of his back. "I want to remember" He said softly.

He and Roxas lay on his bed, the television had been turned off after the move and though they were shirtless, they were still mostly clothes, Roxas had fallen asleep and was curled against his side, his arm was around him, his eyes looked at the ceiling. Eventually he closed them. Trying to sort out the pieces of his memory.

Waking up, Roxas had rolled over to his side, head resting on Axel's arm. He was still on his back and his neck felt sore, he groaned softly and rolled to the side, his other arm wrapping around his small boyfriend. He rest his nose against his hair and breathed. Might as well sleep, he was here anyways.


End file.
